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Started a new journey

Hi, a little background info, I’m a 42 year old divorced father of one, blue collar worker from Wisconsin.  Into just about everything at one time or other, at least in my head, but have been into chastity play since I was 22 and heard of it.

It was then and still is considered too weird to talk about in public, so like most men do, locked it away in fantasy land never to return.  Instead I dated,women that were strong, independent, and actually kinda cruel, thinking I would end up where I wanted.  Turns out I never trusted them enough, or could communicate with them enough to tell them of my submissive needs.

I thought it was all over on that kinda stuff, in fact I didn’t think I would ever be close enough to someone I could not only trust with my secret, but trust with my sexuality.

Then I met this wonderful woman that is crazy about me, super giving, beautiful, and smart.  I knew from our time together my kinks were something she would not have heard of and decided to just let that go.  After awhile I have gotten so close to her, that it would feel like lying if she didn’t know the real me.  I have gone all my life hiding my sexual interests and been miserable, time to try openly discussing what kind of person I am and seeing if I can be happy.

She took it well, was open to try for me, and I was actually unprepared to talk about it. We were texting and she shared she had bought a sex swing, and having had a couple beers told her I had purchased something too.  I ended up telling her about it, I’m sure her mind was twirling with images, none of them erotic, and hadn’t even explained my interests what I wanted or expected.  I told her a bit later, gave her time to do some internet searching, and after some questions and answers was still ok with it, well, ok with me but was warming on the idea.

I had already purchased a mature metal jailbird a month before, and had been testing the sizing and wearability for a week.  I gave her a key when we met again, I tried to make it as casual as possible, no ceremony or pressure.  We made love that night, looked it over, used the key and everything.  She didn’t feel the need to keep it on, I was still on cloud 9 after sharing and wearing this thing all week.

I continued to wear it and she must have done some research on it cause she let me go down on her and she got off while used a vibrating dildo on her…she teased me a bit more, and we stopped. I desperately wanted to cum, done anything to cum, but I didn’t ask, and I fell asleep turned on and happy.   I still haven’t cum since the first night she took it off me and its maddeningly delightful.  We texted all the while  when I wasn’t there, she even sent pictures of her holding the key on her necklace(as well as other😍) that kept me at a stage of horny  I have never known.  God she’s actually getting good at this.  She’s never been able to talk about sex before so this is all pretty new to her but she’s doing great.

I told her my limits, not really a lot of them…not into extreme pain, being a maid, potty, or cuckolding.  She seemed relieved…I would imagine so, whenever I look up chastity I see super Dom whips, sissy maids, and watching a guy rail his wife. Not bad mouthing it, just not my gig. I like giving up all sexual control, and want her to test my limits on denial and activities I might have to do to achieve release.  I don’t mind stoping at any point, and I don’t mind getting to cum. I literally just want her to decide, all the while she has the freedom to pretty much tell me to do anything. After hearing some of my kinks, how far she takes it is up to her.  She really can’t push me too far.

I am so happy right now. Not just from the sex,or the teasing, but because I feel we are so open and close now.   She already knows more of the real me than anyone else.

Never blogged before so I have 0 followers and I don’t know if anyone will ever see it besides her, but I wanted to document our journey.

Humiliation, why does it turn me on?

8B324898-843E-4A4E-8EFB-22B57FF5B1CD.jpeg4F20E088-16A9-434C-A210-D7F5EE80DA9ASo what is it that makes my cock jump when I hear it? What is it that makes me flush and ache when told to do something that’s unmanly?

I get it that it’s naughty, but it has to be more than that, the depth of my need and reaction to it is far too compelling. I got a nice dose of it the other night, and although I know it turns me on, I know it gets me into a submissive mindset, but I don’t understand why.

She told me how small I am and it felt like I could cut glass with it. She told me how wet she was and how she doubted I could get my little dick to make her cum. I was thrusting as hard and deep as I could and I could tell she was right, her look and breathing were way too controlled for her to be even close, and I was ready to cum within a few seconds and was already fighting to hold back. She told me if I came before her she may never let me cum again, I fought as hard as I could. She kept reminding me, this might be your last time. She then told me I would be cleaning up my cum after, every drop out of her, her little cum eater. I lost it, I came and I came and I lost myself in her.

She wasn’t done, as she stuck to her word and pushed my head down making sure I got it all. I was instantly in subspace again wanting her just as much as a few minutes before when I was crazy with lust. About the only thing missing was talking about needing a bigger cock, taking a lover, made to watch or participate.

I’m not an insecure person, am comfortable with my shortcomings (lol), I’m realistic with them and know even my size isn’t so bad that she can’t have fun and can even orgasm if done a certain way. I don’t consider it worthless, and I know I have other attributes that make me desirable. So it isn’t because I have self worth issues.

After some heavy thinking I think I have narrowed it down to two issues: infidelity and honesty.

Ok, infidelity is fairly easy to explain. Every relationship ending with your partner in someone else’s bed is a concern. It doesn’t explain why it turns me on, but it does explain why it is a recurring theme. Wouldn’t it be nice to make a sexual game out of it, one where I am included and not cheated on?  Maybe just knowing that the elephant in the room isn’t going to make her leave me, maybe knowing that if she felt the need, we would discuss our options before our relationship soured.

The honesty issue I am sure sprang from a past relationship. One of those that was a bit lopsided. I’m decent looking, but she was by far way out of my league. She looked like Cindy Crawford with a rounder face. When she first saw it it was during a makeout session, and when she pulled it out of my pants she stopped kissing and looked down. She had the biggest smile I’ve ever seen , and said ” oh my! That is just adorable” and moved her hand with her one finger around it and said “I think we can work around it though”. She continued to stroke it with her thumb and finger(the ok sign just like I used to do…ahh memories of self pleasure)

It was the first time anyone had been honest about size, and it really started to turn me on. I had partners before that used to howl like I was splitting them in half. Come on! I’m four inches and sometimes a bit smaller if I am not super rock hard, unless I accidentally slip out and shove it in someone’s ass…there will be no howling, super loud screams or making sure I go slow because of how huge I am. Every fake and horrible acting job was watching someone lie to my face. How could I believe anytthey said when not only did they lie, they did it so poorly that they had to have known I knew. If your going to fake an O or a sexual response…make me believe it or don’t even try. I’m fine with either…either I won’t know and don’t know any better, or I can plainly see. Later she got into talking about how small it was, how she thought it was fun to be able to put cock and balls in her mouth, I wasn’t aware of cuckolding or anything like that, but think she was grooming me for it. She had mentioned wanting to see my buddy’s dick(her friend said it was huge), and mentioned a bartender at our bar that she thought was hot but was gay. She even tried to dirty talk about her me and the bartender. She rarely let me have sex in her pussy, but she let me fuck her ass instead while she used a toy on her pussy. We were like that for 5 years. Eventually she cheated on me and ended up marrying a kick box instructor. Now that I look back, and I know what all these things mean and know what she wanted. When she said she was seeing someone I immediately freaked and wanted to leave and she said she didn’t want me to. I asked if she was going to stop seeing him and she said she didn’t want to. I was confused and said ” so, were breaking up?” She said she didn’t want us to. I was like, how the hell are you gonna keep fucking him without breaking up with me?! Well now that I know what it is, what it’s called, etc etc, I know she wanted to cuck me, and be in an open relationship. Luckily I hadn’t really gotten into most of that, or knew about any D/s dynamic. If I had, and she had just asked me, I probably would have agreed, but not talking to me about it first was a dealbreaker.

Anyway, I have found all of it turns me on, my wife drives me wild when I hear her voice, hear her words, she electrifies me.  Lately I have been thinking about devotional tattoos.  I had already wanted one above my pelvis that would leave little doubt of who it belonged to, but was also thinking about getting another more visible one.  One that isn’t quite as obvious about my place and status, but something that does say I’m hers.

looking forward to some more time with her, my work week seems to steal her away from me.  Sometimes I get lost in thought, daydreaming of worshiping her beautiful pussy, sucking on her toes, licking her feet clean, and  devouring her bottom.  Sometimes I even daydream about suffering for her.  Enduring for her pleasure, being put in the humbler, having my balls slapped and squeezed, spanked, paddled, whipped, tied and made to endure, all for her, and it makes me want her even more.

I’m a strange duck, lucky she loves me!

Our future makes me smile

As our married life starts to establish, I look to the future with a smiling face. Is it normal, the things I need, the things she provides, the things she denies…probably not, but we are very happy and I am looking towards the future in a way I never have before.

I am not talking about the kink, I’m talking about how beautiful our relationship is because of it. I know for a fact I would have found a way to close myself off, become distant, or act indifferent if I wouldn’t have told her about who I am and not only participated, but enjoyed who I was and what I needed.

I have a lifetime to enjoy our love and devotion. I can feel us growing closer every day. My trust in her, my appreciation, and her giving nature make seeing her a treat every day. And her knowing what makes it possible for me to be this way, makes me smile because I know it won’t ever go away, but only get stronger.

    I’ve given up being able to touch myself, orgasm, or have an erection without her, for the rest of my life.(I’ve had control of it for awhile and I seem to make the wrong choices)
    I’ve accepted that I may be punished for infractions or just for fun. (I have actually grown to appreciate her correcting me, it saves hurt feelings and ends arguments, and when for fun it takes a very erotic turn)
    Certain things get me into or keep me being a doting attentive partner, I opened up to what they are and she controls my behavior and attitude with them such as:
  • -dirty talk such as small penis humiliation, cuckolding or taking a larger lover, directness, and sternness, sissy or feminine labels, public humiliation or submission.(I am not sure why but when she does this I go insane with need for her)
  • -clean up duty, more importantly being told to clean my cum up. (Another mystery, but her taking control, and not giving me any choice in the matter gets me under her spell immediately.)
  • -Service, routines, rules.(maybe it’s the structure, maybe it’s that whenever I do that service routine or rule, I feel like I’m pleasing her.
  • -Feminization. (This one is more for my comfort level and not submissive, but I will admit I tend to be pretty submissive around her when I’m dressed that way. Being hair free, and wearing those clothes makes me feel normal, although I will also admit I have started to feel a sexual charge when getting ready for and doing maid service.)
  • So I’m not a normal fella, I have given up my sexual being, accepted a life of service, discipline, cum clean up, and enjoys being teased about my penis, have my cock and balls tortured, dress femininely, and worship at her feet. Who cares about normal when I have a lifetime of love and affection from the sweetest most beautiful woman in the world?! Someone that loves me and us so much is priceless.
  • I’ve had normal my whole life, and was miserable, going to try happy for awhile…will start with 40 years and reevaluate.
  • So grateful

    I think sometimes we (men locked by their wives) forget that they aren’t in the same zone we are in. I know I sometimes do. That’s why every act of affection, every acknowledgement of my state of being, every dirty text, pic, meme, or casual touch means so very much.

    Am I a better partner when I am denied erections and orgasms? Probably, but it’s not easy, and it’s always on my mind…always, like I’m thinking of her every second of the day. We sometimes take for granted that they are not thinking about it as much as we are. That is why I am so grateful.

    I usually spend a lot of time searching the Internet for pics and memes that describe what I’m thinking or feeling, So anytime she returns these, or mentions something, lightly touches my cage, or informs me of activities she wants to do, it lets me know she hasn’t forgotten I’m locked up, or how much I need her. So for that I am grateful.

    It boggles the mind how much my brain goes in different directions. I crave so much but don’t even know what I want:

    • I want to cum
    • I don’t want lose this subbiespace I’m in
    • I want out of my cage to get hard
    • I want to stay in to push my limits
    • I want to show the world how devoted I am to her
    • I don’t want to reveal anything that would embarrass her
    • I want her to punish me extremely hard to exert her power over me and push me into complete servitude
    • Getting to that is difficult
    • I want to cum all over her pussy, breasts, feet, asshole, legs and exert her will over me and to dominate me by ordering me to clean it up
    • I don’t want to reset the clock by cumming and it’s not something I can do without her making me even though doing it for her excites me
  • Etc etc etc
  • My world is awash in conflicting desires so I guess it makes sense I don’t get to decide. I’m just glad she listens to and acknowledges my state of mind even when I know hers isn’t preoccupied with it as mine is.
  • Return to service

    Yesterday was my return to maid service.  All went better than expected.  It amazes me how much I can enjoy something, or get a sexual charge out of something, just by knowing I am making her happy.

    My morning started getting up with her, making her coffee, and seeing her off to work.  Then I got ready.  Ok, I have gained a few pounds this summer.  I wasn’t going to be happy with me in a cotton dress that would cling to my fat, I tried a corset, but that was crazy painful.  Bottom ribs in the back were poking me, and after a few hours I had to remove it.  Moving on, my dresses are pretty much all the same style, cut, and fabric, just different colors.  So I thought lets go big and go pink.  I didn’t wear stockings, it’s summer, and I don’t mind showing off my tanned legs lol.  I put on my new white and black open toed flats and was ready to start my shift.

    I started with basic clean up, laundry, clutter put away, and then I noticed the bedroom.  She wanted to rearrange our bedroom for awhile, but its a pain in the butt and we never got around to it.  So I figured lets get started.  Moving around the large furniture in a small room is quite the task, I cleaned as I moved things.  We have dogs, so hair and dust seems to find its way everywhere.  I put new sheets on and washed the bedding.  Then came the sex toys and accessories.  We have quite a collection, and punishment implements have grown equally as well…why I keep buying them for her is beyond me lol.  I wanted to keep them handy, but not super out in the open.  I cleaned out an end table with doors, two wooden paddles went in there.  Two leather strap paddles hung on the back of the closet door, which is only seen if the door is closed which it never really is.  A bamboo cluster and a diabolical wooden oar/paddle is in the corner only visible if the closet door is closed.  There are restraints under the bed that hide themselves, but we also have some rope, I wrapped them around each bedpost and it looks like the natural rustic look of the wooden frame.  Then came my side.  My two drawer side table has misc toys in the bottom, ones we rarely use such as nipple and clit suction cups, huge dildo, the two dildos that attach to the sex machine, and some scarves.  The top drawer hides the doxi wand, 9 inch dildo and harness, 7 inch dildo, 2 butt plugs, and rubber gloves(in case she ever wants to milk my prostate).  Lube is out in the open and easy to reach on top of the dresser.  The only thing someone can see is my collar and leash that i put out and the sex machine that is on the floor in a spot out of the way.  I cleaned off her dressers, added a new lamp, and washed the mirrors so she can actually see herself.  By the way, one of the mirrors is next to the bed, looking forward to the show if i take her with the 9inch strapon from behind.

    That took alot longer than i had thought it would, and i was really behind.  Although during a smoke break outside i noticed my leg was wet.  I lifted up the dress and saw that i was leaking.  The undies i wore were a bit lacy in that area and didn’t absorb anything, it just dripped right through down my leg.  After finishing a task i was physically arroused.  I went in and looked at myself in the full length mirror, and although i am no beauty queen, i certainly wasn’t ugly.  I’ve been shaving my legs for well over a year and were nicely tanned due to my time in the sun, I’m pretty much hairless everywhere else as well, and although i have put on a few pounds, the dress hid it nicely.  My shoulders are a bit too big to be feminine, but my chest is still fairly androdgynous as is my face.  All in all not horrible which really helps not feeling ridiculous.

    Back to work, i vaccumed, swept, cleaned the bathtub, and started supper.  My beautiful wife woke up sick, and knew that she would appreciate some soup, so i made some homemade turkey and bean soup.  I swept, changed the laundry out again, and again i noticed my leg was wet.  With every task complete, i noticed it.  God i wanted to take the cage off, to let it get hard, to feel the pleasure that comes with it being touched.  Encased in its steel, there will be no erection, no feeling, no touching. I went to take a smoke break and noticed i was out and wanted to go get some before she arrived from work so i could greet her.  I hurried downstairs to change out of my dress, but i was too late, she arrived and i didn’t get to greet her at the door like i had wanted.  I told her “you missed the maid, i just changed i need to run to the store” she said that was ok, she needed to go too.  We went and returned.

    She seemed to love the new arrangment of the bedroom, and i felt so proud…more leaking.  I served her soup, we watched tv and relaxed on the couch for awhile.  When she was done doing stuff on her computer i told her i would run her bath.  I washed and bathed her, scrubbing her back and massaging her shoulders.  I washed her hair and massaged her head.  In the bath i was soaping and rubbing her feet and i was torn.  I desperately wanted to take them in my mouth, to show her how much i wanted to be hers, but i held off, this was for her and not me.  I left her to relax in the hot bath with candles burning, my legs now wet from the more constant dripping.  After her bath i had set up her massage table along with everything i might need.  I asked her if she was in the mood for a massage or if she just wanted to veg out.  She said she didn’t want to make me work, but i assured her it was nothing.  She layed down on the table and i began.

    Massages are my biggest test.  Touching her and rubbing her with oil, seeing her just lying there and open and relaxed makes me want to be selfish, to ask for the key, to slide myself in her and feel her luxurious pussy or even just jack my cock off on her while looking at her…but again, it’s not about me today, so i kept it about her.  I always start off with a normal massage.  Trying to make her feel relaxed, and rubbing in ways that will feel good on your muscles etc., but after that is done, i turn it sexual and test if she would like a happy ending.  After rubbing her inner thighs and rubbing her hairless pubic mound with oil i could feel the heat radiating from her.  She may be under the weather but she was also turned on.  I got the doxi wand out and used it on her legs and thighs before getting to her mound.  She was escalating quickly so i backed off a bit. I used my fingers in her for a minute and with doxi i knew it wouldn’t take long so i removed my fingers and thought i would try something new.  We have a stainless steel plug that is quite wide, I slowly inserted it in her.  It was cold on her at first but soon found its place buried in her.  I was jealous.  At 3 inches, it is about the same size as me, and there it was buried somewhere i desparately wanted to be.  I continued using doxi on her, on her clit and on the plug hoping the vibrations would make it through to the inside.  She was not going to take long, and i noticed the plug was starting to be devoured by her, it was dissappearing.  I did not want to ruin the moment, but was worried that fishing it out later may not be very fun, so decided plug time was over.  I told her to relax and i grabbed the base of the bulbous toy and slowly removed it.  I wasn’t out of toys though and grabbed the 9 inch dildo.  I slowly inserted the tip inside of her and was waiting for her to adjust to its size.  One thing i never tire of is seeing a large cock dissappear inside of her.  It was hard to work the wand and the dildo at the same time, and sensing this she took the wand so i could work the cock inside her.  Although i have seen that same cock dissappear in her, seen her fuck herself with that cock by rapidly jamming it in her, i never got the chance to do it for her.  She had doxi wand on her clit and i had only worked in half of it before she had cum.  With a light sheen of oil on her, she looked like a queen lying on that table, and i was so happy i could give her pleasure.

    I moved the table, and we watched tv again and relaxed a bit before going to bed.  We went to our room, clean from my efforts, and she told me how nice it looked again.  We layed next to each other and she thanked me, and told me how special she felt, and i couldn’t have been more proud and more turned on for the serving her.

    The next morning we woke up and she had to get up to get ready.  She took a minute to rub me through the cage and said “I have my doting devoted boyfriend back”(we’re married but she still says boyfriend lol).  I got up with her, dressed in some capris and a cute tank, made her coffee, and started dishes, and finished the last load of laundry.  She asked if i was working again… I said only a half day(my son will be home this afternoon) and we both smiled.  I showed her the lunch i packed for her and she said it will be fine.

    I can’t believe how i have responded to maid service.  I really had no intesion of maid service.  It was a hard limit, i actually said “i don’t want to be some maid doing chores and running around looking silly”.  It’s not like that though.  I choose what chores i do, i choose what i wear and it isn’t anything over the top, and i am not in any trouble if something isn’t done.  No pressure, and the stuff i do is appreciated.  I regret not being dressed for her when she got home and greeting her at the door, but i did need to leave the house.  I have come to realize how much i enjoy, and need to be dressed femininly around her, to be accepted and comfortable around someone.

    As far as chastity is concerned, we made love the day after we wed, a week later when we returned from vacation, and have remained caged since.  One night i really wanted her after going down on her, licking her feet, and devouring her ass.  She had already came, and she said maybe next time.  I really wanted to cum, but the next day i thanked her for knowing whats best for us and being in control.

    I love our life, i love her, i am so grateful to have someone that loves me enough to take charge, to know when i should cum and when i shouldn’t, to punish me when i need it, and is about the sexiest and sweetest person i’ve ever met.

     

     

    Vivid dream so real

    I wanted to write this down before I forget. It seemed so real, and it felt like that even after I woke, and took me a few minutes of thinking and rationality to realize it was a dream and hadn’t happened.

    I’m not sure if it was about my elaborate confession that being her maid and dressing feminine in front of her had started to excite me on my last post last night. If it was about the many tumblr pics and memes that I saw while looking for one to send her about being back to routine (like the ones above). Or if it was just me accepting it myself that it has started to turn me on. But I had a dream about it.

    I was being her maid, and I was doing the things I usually do, giving her a bath, doing her nails, giving her a massage, rubbing her feet, etc. Then she did something we don’t do, she initiated sex, it was all very sensual and mostly involved oral, hands and toys…our normal lol, but I was still dressed as her maid(I don’t do the French maid stuff, I wear a little dress, stockings, bra and panties). Then she initiated sex with me, like wearing our strapon Johnson. Of course in a dream there isn’t any of the silly reality issues of needing notice to make sure I’m clean down there, in dreams stuff just happens and is perfect and no gross stuff to interrupt getting pegged 😂.

    Anyway, she informed me she wanted to see if she could cum from fucking me, and the strapon was positioned on her clit so her thrusts were exciting her. Legs up, with her leaning over me, her beautiful breasts swaying with every thrust and her eyes locked on mine. Feeling so vulnerable and protected, yearning to please her and opening myself up physically to be taken and emotionally bound to her. I wanted her to fuck me harder, wanted her to use me, wanted her to cum from her taking what she wants. Accepting her as being in charge and moaning like I’ve seen her moan when I’ve used the very same strapon on her.

    After her climax she collapsed on me, I held her and told her how much I loved her, and with her still inside me she held my face and said “baby I know how much you struggle with this so I am going to make this easy for you. I’m not giving you a choice. You will be this way all the time unless we go out in public or _____ is home. I am now your wife and owner, and you my wife and submissive. I know this excites you, I know you long to treat me like this all the time, so I’m telling you now, your days of pretending to be a man are over, you’re my sissy now and forever, so get used to this”.

    I’m paraphrasing I’m sure because you can never really remember exact words, but I got the idea. She was forcing me to accept this, knowing I would want it but taking away the choice so I didn’t have to think about it. Giving me the gift of keeping me happy by letting me be the kind of person that I need to be in a relationship, loving, doting, listening, kind, and someone that can absolutely look at someone with awe and adoration.

    I woke from the couch, confused, wondering what had just happened. My cage was ridiculously tight, I put my hand down there to adjust and give my balls some slack so they weren’t going to get pulled off, and I had quite a wet spot. I ran down stairs and checked my closet, looked for dirty clothes, looking for the outfit I had on in my dream, was still hanging up, I didn’t remember doing laundry that fast and it slowly came back that it was a dream, it hadn’t happened, and the real world came rushing back. I am not sure what my reaction was, part relieved, part disappointed, confused about why I don’t know which.

    My goodness I am so lucky I have her to deal with my craziness. I even confuse myself. So happy she stuck it out with me.

    Married my…

    Best friend, my mistress, key holder, dominant, and owner. The day went without a hitch, and I even got a bit of our dynamic into the vows…promising to serve her, she had the key to my heart, and I was hers.

    I would love to say that it was some kinky super well thought out consummation…but frankly we were tired, a little drunk, and needed to get some sleep for the big day we had planned to clean up the party and go on a little trip. In the morning, I used my mouth and fingers for her to get there first, and she unlocked me so I could have a romp. It was spectacular, it had been 3 weeks, but it was over quickly and we had things to do.

    It has been a few weeks, and of course things are great, I think she even feels a little happier and lovey dovey. I guess I am too, and it’s hard to believe I’m married. Nothing has changed of course, relationships are built around how you interact and not what you are called. Still, when someone publicly states their love, understanding, and commitment to your true self…forever, it feels special and heartwarming. Knowing you won’t be alone, even with all your flaws, idiosyncrasies, kinks, or physical issues.

    The summer is ending and that means school is starting. School starting means a different schedule than the busy, frantic, activity filled days of summer. It means routine, 3 to 4 nights a week of alone time with mistress, and our dynamic changes more to D/s. Things we tend to let slip by because we have a child in the house, or too busy or tired to fulfill duties.

    A few weeks ago mistress told me some of her turn ons, we played truth or dare game. Well one of her biggest turn ons was when I was dressed as a maid and pampering her. I have actually been confused about the whole thing since I did it. I have tried to just let it go as a strange feeling, that came from dressing in front of her. It was more than that though, it was sexual for me. I had never felt sexually charged wearing girls clothes, just comfortable. That night and every time since, I feel a huge knot of excitement, fear, acceptance, and yes sexual arousal. Just thinking about it makes me want to please her, to pamper her, to submit to her, be taken by her, be dominated by her, owned by her. The other day I was laying on the couch with her and was thinking about it and the urge to kiss her feet, lick and suck her toes were too great to ignore and I immediately dove in. When I am with her and dressed that way I lose myself in her. I can’t explain why it has become sexual. I’ve never thought of it as such before, just comfy clothes, I even had a name for them…comfy’s. Now when I think of going back to more regular routines, and the maid service, I have more and more had my thoughts turn towards sex, serving her, her tone when telling me what to do, and god knows what else crosses my mind. I end up longing to be there for her, to have that feeling again of being hers, and her having her way with me and obeying. I can’t tell if it would give me an erection cause I’m caged, but from the amount I leak, I’m guessing this has become not just a turn on for her, but for me as well. Weird since this was a hard limit when we first started.

    So as schedules begin to normalize, I am strangely looking forward to my part time role as her maid. I told her Monday’s, not a lot going on on Mondays anyway, it’s my day off, and it gives me all day to clean and get things done while she is at work.

    I am happy our life has come together, happy we are married, happy to be her lover, happy she holds the key to her cock, happy to be with my best friend, happy to be hers, and even happy to be her maid. I am still a bit confused and not understanding feeling sexually excited by it, but I am, and I guess I’m lucky that I have someone so wonderful that I don’t have to understand why, we can just be.

    Hers forever

    Our big day is fast approaching.  Getting married in 6 days, and I am not really nervous but I am anxious.  It means more than just marriage for me, it’s not just promising to be with her forever, it’s about being hers forever.  As well as being hers, I’m promising a certain lifestyle forever.

    Living in chastity, being her servant, her maid, and having my behavior enforced with discipline is nothing to enter into lightly.  Forever is a long time, and I am anxious, nervous, happy, needy, and a zillion other things all at the same time.  Before when I promised to do all these things, I meant it, but had thought that eventually she would leave me, so my promise was only as long as hers.  Her actually marrying me and acknowledging that her forever was the same amount of time as my forever has hit me and I couldn’t be happier.

    It has been a little while since I had an orgasm and last week she informed me I wouldn’t be getting out till at least after the wedding.  Of course I want out, of course I want to cum, but I am so grateful that she knows what’s best for us.  It is a perfect setting for the rest of our lives, and there are a lot of different ways she could set the tone for our life, marriage, and roles.  She could keep me locked after and have me help her get off, could unlock me and not let me cum, could make me consummate the marriage with me using a strapon, she could even consummate it by her using the strapon on me.  All I know is our life together is going to be filled with love, respect, friendship, laughter, enforced chastity, discipline, maid service, footrubs, and pampering.

    Other personal issues are now making me feel relieved and adored.  Knowing I won’t have to be hairy again, knowing that if my breasts grow and body changes I will still be loved, knowing that I will always be able to dress how I feel, always be myself.  It is truly amazing and a feeling I can’t describe.

    Amante, I will be yours forever, I will be your friend, lover, maid, servant, pet, doting, pampering, sarcastic, assholey husband for the rest of my life.