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Started a new journey

This is an edited version, I didn’t realize my greeting would be so long.

Condensed version:  I was 42, recently divorced, father, and had a new girlfriend.  I introduced my submissive side to her, and male chastity.

She really ran with it, and it has turned into a female led marriage, along with domestic discipline.  I’m still in chastity, and both our fantasy and kink life has expanded.

This is our story.

Her being upset led to a hot dream

Let’s just start out by saying she wasn’t that upset, more like peeved.

A while back I was discussing our home responsibilities with her aunt and uncle while having some beers. I was explaining that I actually do most of the cooking, the dishes, clean up around the house and for the most part she takes care of her bathroom and her own laundry. Well apparently they razzed her about not doing anything around the house, and I got an earful when she got home.

They misunderstood, she does plenty of other things. She certainly sweeps…we have a Labrador, we both sweep, a lot. She cleans around the toilet if I haven’t in awhile, she takes the garbage out just as much if not more than me, she buys pop and dog food and hauls it in…she’s not lazy. That apparently wasn’t understood and she said she was hurt and embarrassed that they thought she didn’t do anything around the house.

I of course was sorry that they misunderstood but at the same time I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true, and frankly I am proud that I’m in a female led marriage. I went to bed thinking about it and my dreams reflected it.

All of a sudden it was earlier in that evening, like deja vu, and she was upset about me telling them I take care of things around the house. This time however we didn’t just go to bed. This time she called me over, grabbed the collar and put it on me. She told me to bend over and got the paddle out.

She started paddling me and said “you do everything around here huh?” More paddles. “Well you will from now on!” More paddles “the maid is back on duty, full time, all the time!” More paddles “you just earned yourself a year without cumming” More paddles “you are my MAID now!” Paddles very hard “every bit of house work around here!” even harder paddles “be a pretty maid!” Paddles so hard I started squirming and moving around, then sat on my back holding me still “AND YOU WILL PAMPER ME LIKE A PRINCESS EVERY FUCKING NIGHT!” Continuous very hard paddling with my feet trying to kick and move. Me of course agreeing and telling her that I will, I will, I am hers, yes mistress I will.

That had gotten her frisky and feeling still a bit aggressive told me to get Johnson out of the drawer. I handed it to her and she looked at me and said “you want to watch how a real sized cock would fuck me?“ I nodded of course. She laid down and she slid it easily in all the way. Going somewhat slow she began talking dirty and teasing me about my future. “Are you going to miss my pussy?” Yes mistress. “Do you deserve to cum in my pussy?” No mistress. “Do you think I’m going to miss your little dick for the next year?” No mistress. “Could you fuck me like this?” No mistress. “Are you going to lick my feet pussy and ass every day?” Yes mistress. “What do you think will make me hotter, having my own sissy maid to do whatever I want? Or you rubbing you little dick in my pussy until you cum?” Being your maid. “That’s right!”

She quickened her pace, the large cock disappearing in and out of her smooth pussy, the slickness evident. She shoved her foot towards my face and I began licking and sucking her toes. She said she was cumming and she came hard. She handed me the toy and said to clean it, I went to run it upstairs, but she stopped me, “no, with your mouth”. I did with vigor, I do love the taste of her. She then said, “ I wasn’t playing around, I meant everything, we’ll review when your year is up, goodnight.” Kissed me good night and laid down.

Sometimes when I wake from a vivid dream like that I have to think about if it was real or not, gears turning trying to put rational thought to it. This time wasn’t as confusing. I felt my butt, not sore, I would definitely have felt sore if the dream had been real. Johnson still tucked away in the drawer, and no paddle on the dresser.How can I go from going to bed with her peeved at me, to super erotic lifestyle changing sex dream?! lol!! Ok so the dream happened, the obvious question…did I dream about it because subconsciously that is what I want?

1. No orgasm for a year? A year is a long time, and I’ve never had a timeline where I knew It wasn’t going to happen like a sentence. I go months often enough, but I don’t know it’s going to be months, it could be tomorrow or the next day, or the day after that, etc. Although, my dream never mentioned ruined orgasms, getting it out to play often, or milking my prostate, so it could be just very extended fore play. So, willing but may be very difficult.

2. Full time maid, do everything, no exceptions, punishment implied. That probably is something my subconscious wants, it makes her be more assertive in her dominance, it’s an expectation that would force me to be submissive, feeds into my feminine side, and establishes her as more dominant in the household physically and sexually. It would have its issues…dressing up to be as pretty as I can would certainly make me feel good but is a lot of work…I’m a dude, looking like a girl doesn’t just happen by wearing a dress. Plus if I skip the being pretty part I would feel just awful dressed up, like about as ugly as you can think of, and that wouldn’t make me feel good about myself. Plus I have my son 3-4 days a week and couldn’t exactly be the maid then. Another issue is time. Even if I wanted to be the full time do everything maid, I work a full time job. I could and would do it, but that would mean me sacrificing some of my time with her. The discipline part? Oh that’s easy, I’m sure that could be worked in without any issues, and I have no problem admitting that extreme discipline is a big turn on. Being held accountable and being physically and emotionally overwhelmed until I’m her wet faced leg hugger is something I would definitely do. There are some fixes to most of these…time would be the toughest, but if I didn’t waste my lazy days I’m sure I could fit everything in. Instead of the maid on the days my son is home I could wear my collar under my shirt and be slave instead without him knowing. There are ways to make it work if we needed to.

All in all it was a fun dream, gave me something to blog about, and something to fantasize about while I don’t get hard cause my dick is in a steel cage lol! Have a great night everyone!

What happens in the bunker

With the world, our way of life, and the future so uncertain, I am curious about how the lifestyle has an influence on how we spend our time together in lockdown.  Being in a female led marriage is already a fairly large commitment, but sometimes life, work, or family must take the front seat to any kink or sexuality.

With all the free time suddenly upon most of us, is there a certain activity that is getting more attention?  Routines put into place? Rules meant to follow?  I am guessing this is as good of a time as any to experiment, and see what sticks, and what goes back in the drawer.

A few weeks ago, I had thought that discipline had all but disappeared.  Having been so long, I assumed she either didn’t care to do it, it wasn’t interesting anymore,  or wanted to steer  away from that type of dominance (I don’t think I ever thought it was because I was so well behaved lol).  She surprised me with a fairly hard paddling for failing to get my truck stickers in a timely fashion (which she reminded me a few times to do).  Nothing too crazy, my butt wasn’t like cherry red or anything, but I could feel her presence the next day when I sat down.

There are other things that we started and stopped, for various reasons, and I’m sure others have fooled around with various ideas that they liked, but just never knew if they were up to really living that way.  We used to have a rule where I would go service her pussy and bottom every day.  Maid service hasn’t been requested in quite some time, and edging/teasing/ ruined orgasm sessions also disappeared.  I would say for the most part due to life in general/ schedule/and other activities getting the priority.  Sleep being a big one lol!

I would imagine there are people that are really delving into being dominant, especially if they are spending all of their time with their partner.  Even my wife has asked for foot rubs more frequently (which is funny that she still asks, we both know she could just say “I want the maid to rub my feet now!” Lol). It would depend on what you

Wonderful life

Had quite an evening last week, apparently she was feeling similar because without even reading my blog she had decided that some discipline was in order. Wood paddle bent over the bed type of discipline. My butt wasn’t very red, but I could still feel the sting the next day.

A few days ago she was feeling frisky and I eagerly obliged. Using the wand and my mouth, and tempted her with unlocking me for a romp. The cage was off and I tried to use one of my sheath type toys. It wasn’t properly lubed, and when I tried to press into her she said “I don’t think so, my pussy is used to your little one, I will have to fuck normal size cocks for awhile before I’m ready for that.” So the sheath came off and I was in.

I started pumping and she said I wasn’t in, I corrected her that I most certainly was, that it felt amazing. “Oh, I can’t feel it, are you sure?” Yes I was very sure, I was almost ready to cum as soon as I was inside.

I slipped right in, could feel it engulf and tighten around me. When I push hard against her all the way I can feel my head push past the entrance and inside. Oh my god the feeling of getting some of it all the way in her is amazing. I immediately started thrusting, my head pushing just past the entrance resistance with my thrust, pulling out past it on its way out.

I wasn’t going to last long. I was rapidly getting close in just the few seconds I was inside her. She asked about how it felt and said it was perfect. She asked if it was the best I’ve ever felt, and I admitted it was. I had to ask her quickly if I was allowed to cum cause it was happening anyway. As soon as she said yes I absolutely lost it and came hard.

I was in post orgasm utopia, when she mentioned that I had a lot of work to do licking her clean. I went down and started. She was right, there was a lot of work there. It was full of cum, the more I licked the more I wanted her. I looked up and could see her looking down, her hand on top of my head, I was back in subbie bliss. Her pussy sparkling clean she brought me back up and said she wanted me again.

I had just had an orgasm so had thought this wasn’t going to work. I had managed to plump up a little but was no where firm enough to fuck. I pressed it on her hoping for a miracle. I was about ready to give up when she started talking.

-“maybe I will find someone to fuck me, someone with a big dick, someone that can fuck me a long time. I’m not sure if you deserve to be in my pussy.” I instantly got hard. “I’m going to need Doxy too to cum” so got the wand and my new erection working.

-“oh want me to do that? Want to watch me get fucked? Watch with your little dick in your little cage? You want to lick the cum from my perfect pussy?” Quickly agreeing to every word she said.

She quickly came, hard, and as soon as her dirty talk, thrusting and grinding ended , so too did my erection. She was done, and apparently I was as well. I rolled down and tried to lick the remaining cum from her and eventually rolled over panting and crazy in love with her.

She then wanted to chat a bit and asked “do you really want me to do that?” I answered “only if you want to do that” which got me a “I’m not sure if I really want to go through with it” which I said you can do what ever you want which got me a nice squeeze while she laid on my chest.

Asking me if I want something probably isn’t the most informative. I want whatever she wants. Has this started to turn me on, yes. But that has nothing to do with what I want, because I only want what she does. A lot of things turn me on, especially if I think if it’s what they are turned on by. Maid service was a hard limit, once I tried it for her and she said it was hot, I started to get turned on by it. I actually got turned on while doing maid chores because I was serving her. I would imagine cuckolding to be no different, it turns me on because it would be a way of serving her, and that turns me on.

The next day, I hadn’t locked up yet and she said I better. I laughed a bit and she said “yeah or you won’t get out again for 280 days, I certainly don’t need your little thing you just test me”. I locked up asap in the morning just to be sure!

I now understand the appeal of domestic discipline in a FLR

Sometimes being horny isn’t enough. Don’t get me wrong, wearing a chastity device 24/7 certainly does keep you on your toes and your mind on her. It doesn’t however fix my inner asshole. I still get bucky, still say stuff that probably wasn’t necessary, and still act like I’m in charge when backed into a corner. All the horny buzz disappears in an instant and the person I don’t want to be to her, immediately shows up, and causes a scene like an angry child at the supermarket.

I recently had a little fight with the wife, I was upset with her tone and she thought I was being careless. We were probably both incorrect, I more than likely misinterpreted her tone, and she wasn’t informed enough to know if I was being careless. The fact is that it doesn’t matter, I didn’t react how I should have. I am so proud to be in a female led relationship, to submit fully to her, to worship her, yet as soon as I got upset I lashed out with words and visible displeasure.

It has been a long time since she’s used discipline to curb behavior. In fact the last time was something similar to this. We were arguing and I was about to storm off and sleep on the couch. She told me to “get back here on this bed and bend over”, she gave me a hard paddling and we went to sleep with the worlds problems literally behind us. When we first started it, it was mostly for fun and she got really turned on by it. She once grabbed my hand and put it to her sex and asked me if I could feel how turned on she was. In fact I could. The heat radiated from her pussy, and the slickness soaked my fingers. So play time punishment I know is something she likes, but has not expressed herself on domestic discipline…she didn’t ask me to feel her pussy after that time lol!

So I think I understand why physical discipline is so prevalent in all the long lasting (Not the fly by nights or fantasy blogs), real, and loving FLR blogs. In fact there are the big three recurring and seemingly steadfast rules that are prevalent:

1. Chastity and orgasm control, with or without device. I’m not sure I could handle this without my device, and frankly I think she prefers I wear it.

2. Fluid retention, Cum clean up, Yep whatever you want to call it, what comes out goes back in. I initially thought it was just something dirty and taboo, but there must be something more to it mentally and socially because even some of the more vanilla couples do not deviate from this one.

3. Discipline. Two types, one is less painful such as corner time, writing lines, taking away privileges. The other is pain such as spanking, paddling, ball slapping, humbler time etc. For me, the non pain stuff would probably just piss me off and make me resentful. I think I’m more of a take my lickings kind of sub.

There are others that show up here and there:

1. foot worship, I have actually grown to love this, my only problem is that I can’t lick her feet after the lotion goes on.

2. drinking pee, some women apparently get a thrill from “unloading” and I would do it if she asked but would have to experience it to understand it’s value

3. supervised masterbation, I don’t have an issue with it but kinda goes against her not wanting me to touch myself.

4. feminization, I’m ok with whatever she is comfortable with. To me it’s more of a calming effect and all my anxiety and barriers go away. Not something for the public though.

5. pegging, again I don’t have an issue with it but not something that she seems to enjoy, maybe if she used our new double sided one so she received pleasure while using it she would change her opinion on taking me. If it’s not fun for her, it certainly isn’t going to be sexual for me.

6. I’m sure there are a bunch more just like these I could list but none of these and the ones listed above are in the common denominator group like the big three. So maybe there is some real value in them besides being part of a kink. Who knows for sure.

All in all I’m disappointed in myself and my ability to be the sub I want to be for her. Sure I rub her feet, but apparently I still turn into the old me whenever I feel like it. So maybe I need to rethink my self titled label I’ve put on us. I say female led, yet my actions don’t jive. If I read my blog from an outsiders point of view, how would I see us? It would look like someone was going through all the kinky and sexual aspects of wearing a chastity device without really treating his partner any differently when it matters. All of this female led relationships stuff was about my need to submit, to be better, i am disheartened to realize that I am doing neither for her.

Dreams reflecting my reading

I had read about 6 books on my days off, and besides giving me some esoteric contemplation, it has also apparently invaded my dreams. Since beginning wearing the device I have had a pretty vivid imagination in my subconscious, this one was fairly specific.

I had come home from work and my wife was waiting for me on the couch and told me “come here” and pointed to the floor next to her. I understood that this was about to be fun and quickly went to my knees before her. I soon discovered that this would not be a licking or worshiping session, but rather a discussion.

Discussion is the wrong word, for that implies that we would both be talking, which wasn’t the case. She had a deliberate statement of fact, something like this:

-You told me that you were submissive, feminine, and wanted me to control you. I agreed and you haven’t really committed to any of it. We are starting over and things will be different.

•I want my maid back, consider that your new normal when we do not have company. I don’t want a guy in drag looking silly, put in the effort and look as pretty as you can.

•This isn’t fun maid only, you will sweep, make meals, wash and put away dishes daily, scrub floors, vacuum, dust, and bathroom twice a week, and do my laundry as well as your own. When your chores are all done you may ask to worship my feet,pamper me, and do all the things that pleases you to please me.

•Any failures will result in heavy discipline

•I think we both know I don’t need your little dick, and I doubt I will allow you inside my perfect pussy very often. Ruined orgasms will be much more common, all of which you will clean up without being told.

•I don’t plan on giving up getting fucked with a real dick. Tonight we will set up an anonymous account, filter the responses and give me the details on the best to choose from in a week.

I just sat there kneeling, unable to say anything, heart pounding from the matter of fact ness and reality of life to be. She noticed I didn’t say anything in return and continued.

-I know this is a big change, but we have been into this for awhile and not only is the house not clean, but I’m not having sex either. You wanted to submit and this is what I want you to submit to. If you truly don’t want this, if this is too much, let’s test it. I’m going to unlock your cage. If your little dick stays soft, upset about my new rules, we will forget about it. If it gets hard in my hand I will know what you really want.

Of course once it’s removed and in her hand it gets hard and

-I think we have our answer.

The rest of my dream was hurrying around trying to get the house looking nice, running back and forth while she watched. The dream kinda fizzled out after that, not so much that it ended, but kept repeating certain parts. I woke before my alarm, my cage tight, dampness on the bedding, and sweat soaked hair. I was momentarily bewildered and at a loss for what was real and what wasn’t. Within minutes I got my facts straight and shook my head quietly at being so under the influence of my recent reading material. Before you say anything, just so you know this happens a lot, just isn’t usually so sexual. If I watch a lot of law and order, supernatural, arrow, etc, it finds its way into my dreams too. Heck even candy crush found its way in there lol.

Part of this of course is my actual fantasies, things I have thought of while wide awake, so it’s not really new material. One thing that made this seem different is that it has turned the lights on with how I would react if something similar happened. It doesn’t feel like I would say no, it doesn’t feel like I would ever tell her no.

So who knows what the future will bring, all I do know is that it will be me doing as I’m told.

What is truly submitting?

Is taking it to the extreme part of submitting? Is making him do so part of being his dominant? Do you take it as far as you are comfortable with? Does she take it as far as she is comfortable with? Once you tell your partner of your need to submit and wanted her in control, do you even have a choice on how far she takes it? Did you give up that right, as her decision to be your dominant means she knows that you desperately want it deep down? Like…I give you my consent to take away my consent.

It’s been interesting lately, I read a few books, and having read so many blogs about certain subjects that apply to me. I find it weird to see others reactions and the direction they took, both unique and well intended.

Some of the books I’ve been reading are about males that have admitted to their partner of their need to submit, and their reaction. More on point their interpretation of giving their submissive what they need which may not be anything like what they want. His need is to submit, to serve, to prove worth, show adoration, to endure, and to sacrifice is actually giving him what he needs. In so doing, she is actually being immensely giving and loving no matter what that entails.

In one book, in which I actually have chatted with both on a chastity site that I am a member, they have a female led marriage. Her response to him admitting his submissive side was to put all of her needs first. For her, giving him what he needed was him submitting totally to her and forgoing all rights and possession. She wound up giving him what he needed by enforcing chastity, domestic discipline, and cuckolding him. Her agreeing to his submissive nature and acting the part came with her thinking that this is what that entailed. He was scared, he was unsure, but he did want her in charge, and her in charge meant doing everything as she saw it, then he was willing to accept.

Another book, this one about the same topic, her interpretation was him becoming her feminine maid. To serve her in all ways, relinquishing all duties of the home to him, and for him to be the most submissive possible (in her eyes, as a full time maid). She gave him a choice of being normal or this life of feminine servitude, and he picked to be her maid and all the chores, clothes, grooming, and punishment that went with it. She did it not to be an asshole or be mean, she did it because this was something he needed to be submissive and that is what her idea of taking submission to the ultimate level was.

After reading both books I have to say that both cases are to the extreme. Especially the maid version. Don’t get me wrong, I have dabbled into maid service, which ended up actually filling a large whole in me, but it isn’t something that is very practical in every day life. For instance, in the book, they got rid of all his male clothes. I have a normal life outside of the home and we couldn’t do that. It does however show her commitment to his needs by securing his submission, even if it’s not always fun, not because it’s it has to be this way, but because it’s what she thinks is best for him. Almost protective, and by giving him a choice to either accept or quit, she could take this to the level that she thought best for him.

The other book, about the cuckolding, went to extremes too. Again this is something that would be a bit much for me. I have already agreed with her that she could do that if she wanted, but I had put restrictions on it. I had said I would need to be there, that she needed to inform me ahead of time, etc. The truth of the matter is that if you truly are submitting, do I really have a choice in that? In the book she takes his need to submit as a cry for her to make him truly submit, and takes that as his need for her to find a way to make that happen, even if he struggles with it.

I think these books were intriguing because they went to the extreme. I am somewhat of an all in personality, so of course certain things like rules of the home, expectations, enforced servitude and feminization all hit a nerve with me. The ongoing punishment and humiliation aspects also appealing because it puts me on a different level.

This all comes around to us, because I had similarly admitted my submissive need as well as my turn ons. Not to mention some of my new ones that have since developed. So it begs the what if’s questions. Does my need to submit naturally expand past my comfort levels? Does her accepting me this way automatically mean I’m asking her to do just that? How would I feel if she did that? How would I feel if she never does? Both books were about a couple in love. Both books are about the females version of their struggle with the truth about their partner, and their interpretation of how to give what is needed. In our reality I’m pretty sure my wife would not be comfortable going to those extremes , which is nice because I certainly couldn’t do the maid thing full time.

This of course is all just thinking out loud, I had the day off and thought I would share my thoughts and feelings. It’s all pretty heady stuff, wants, needs, submission, giving. Is submitting totally the strongest act of love? Is making a submissive submit an even greater one? Is it in our nature to want to experience it? Is it easier and more life fulfilling to follow societal norms and conform to what is publicly acceptable?

Who knows really, in the end it’s just mental and everything is relative. We are who we are, and we do what we feel is the best way.

Being told

So the other day I was told to change out the light bulbs in the bathroom, and boom it happened, I was on top of it. Those bulbs were out for a long time. I had known they needed changing, I don’t know why but I seem to need to be told to do things, even if she will be ok with it.

That is just one example, her telling me to rub her feet instead of asking gives me a warm fuzzy feeling. Her telling me to lock back up has more weight than me just doing it. Her demanding I clean up my cum feels like I’m right where I’m supposed to be. Her demanding weekly maid service is like hearing I love you, the real you. So why is it that being told to do something, even something non kink, is infinitely better and more likely to happen than just doing something? I’m not sure.

Maybe it all ties together. The desperate need for rules, routines, and the punishment to enforce them. Being told to do her bidding makes me happy, and being told lets me know exactly what she wants. So why not just do it? That’s the ten million dollar question now isn’t it. I certainly am not real good at doing things on my own that’s for sure, and even when I do, being told or expected somehow feels better.

Yesterday I was viewing my normal set of smut on bdsmlr.com, a place for bdsm and kink, and as I was searching for my normal fare of female dominant material I came across some male dominant ones. I found them surprisingly hot too! Maybe it’s because I find her so desirable, that any thoughts about her in a sexual way is hot, but the idea of spanking, restraining, and teasing her certainly didn’t turn me off! I casually mentioned that if she wanted to switch she could…I got a hard no lol. Which is funny, because when we first started dating, if I had to label her I would say she was kind of a sub (fuck me I’m your little slut). Looking back on all of this now, I think her self confidence and being a priority has been something she wouldn’t want to relinquish. Plus realistically, it may be a bit difficult to submit to someone like me, knowing everything she knows about me.

Nothing else new to report, just killing time at work, my mind elsewhere lol.