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Started a new journey

Hi, a little background info, I’m a 42 year old divorced father of one, blue collar worker from Wisconsin.  Into just about everything at one time or other, at least in my head, but have been into chastity play since I was 22 and heard of it.

It was then and still is considered too weird to talk about in public, so like most men do, locked it away in fantasy land never to return.  Instead I dated,women that were strong, independent, and actually kinda cruel, thinking I would end up where I wanted.  Turns out I never trusted them enough, or could communicate with them enough to tell them of my submissive needs.

I thought it was all over on that kinda stuff, in fact I didn’t think I would ever be close enough to someone I could not only trust with my secret, but trust with my sexuality.

Then I met this wonderful woman that is crazy about me, super giving, beautiful, and smart.  I knew from our time together my kinks were something she would not have heard of and decided to just let that go.  After awhile I have gotten so close to her, that it would feel like lying if she didn’t know the real me.  I have gone all my life hiding my sexual interests and been miserable, time to try openly discussing what kind of person I am and seeing if I can be happy.

She took it well, was open to try for me, and I was actually unprepared to talk about it. We were texting and she shared she had bought a sex swing, and having had a couple beers told her I had purchased something too.  I ended up telling her about it, I’m sure her mind was twirling with images, none of them erotic, and hadn’t even explained my interests what I wanted or expected.  I told her a bit later, gave her time to do some internet searching, and after some questions and answers was still ok with it, well, ok with me but was warming on the idea.

I had already purchased a mature metal jailbird a month before, and had been testing the sizing and wearability for a week.  I gave her a key when we met again, I tried to make it as casual as possible, no ceremony or pressure.  We made love that night, looked it over, used the key and everything.  She didn’t feel the need to keep it on, I was still on cloud 9 after sharing and wearing this thing all week.

I continued to wear it and she must have done some research on it cause she let me go down on her and she got off while used a vibrating dildo on her…she teased me a bit more, and we stopped. I desperately wanted to cum, done anything to cum, but I didn’t ask, and I fell asleep turned on and happy.   I still haven’t cum since the first night she took it off me and its maddeningly delightful.  We texted all the while  when I wasn’t there, she even sent pictures of her holding the key on her necklace(as well as other😍) that kept me at a stage of horny  I have never known.  God she’s actually getting good at this.  She’s never been able to talk about sex before so this is all pretty new to her but she’s doing great.

I told her my limits, not really a lot of them…not into extreme pain, being a maid, potty, or cuckolding.  She seemed relieved…I would imagine so, whenever I look up chastity I see super Dom whips, sissy maids, and watching a guy rail his wife. Not bad mouthing it, just not my gig. I like giving up all sexual control, and want her to test my limits on denial and activities I might have to do to achieve release.  I don’t mind stoping at any point, and I don’t mind getting to cum. I literally just want her to decide, all the while she has the freedom to pretty much tell me to do anything. After hearing some of my kinks, how far she takes it is up to her.  She really can’t push me too far.

I am so happy right now. Not just from the sex,or the teasing, but because I feel we are so open and close now.   She already knows more of the real me than anyone else.

Never blogged before so I have 0 followers and I don’t know if anyone will ever see it besides her, but I wanted to document our journey.

Purple is the new blue

 

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Inspecting myself, I noticed a brilliant dark shade of purple.  Don’t worry, the cage fits fine, I was just rebounding from a session of thinking about my mistress/wife/kh, which had me leaking precum down my leg.  When I wiped it up I didn’t want to waste the free lubricat and circled my nipples with what had dripped.

I knew that my breasts were sensitive and I knew that my nipples get fairly large, I didn’t know I could get so close to orgasm from touching them.  Of course I actually didn’t orgasm, it gets to a certain plateau and then I hit a wall and nothing can take me over that edge.

I just found out my schedule has been changed to waking up later, freeing up some time in the morning.  Which also got me riled up.  Riled up think of getting back to worshiping her pussy every morning, watching her cum every morning, smelling her scent every morning, rimming and worshiping her ass every morning, making my wife sexually satisfied every morning, showing her how much I adore her and want to please her every morning…I got excited just at the thought of rolling her over after she has gotten herself off with the wand, sliding my fingers in her, and tonguing her bottom until she’s content.

One thing I’ve never really addressed about writing in my blog here…it turns me on.  It’s like foreplay, I write these and it excites me to recount events, fantasy’s, and thoughts.  I literally drip thinking of her when I write here.  It reminds me of new sex toys, it’s not just using them, it’s the anticipation and thought of the pleasure she will get from them.  I think of the new sex machine, the look on her face when she gets the fucking as hard and long as she wants.  I think of the pussy pump, engorging her clit to super sensitive.  I think of my harness, allowing me to put the average size as well as the large dildo, being able to fuck her for as long as she likes without needing to be unlocked while my cage and purple balls slap her pussy.  I think of all these things in the same light, constant foreplay and thoughts of her drive me insane all day.

My present of having a prettier pendant made, I had to ruin the surprise.  I ordered the exact cage to get a copy of my keys to make the pendant in silver.  She saw the keys and my cage off while I was in the shower (I know shame on me, it just makes shaving down there 1000% easier and was taking advantage of being able do that cageless), and had to spill the beans about it.  So next step is finishing the pendant and sending it to the jeweler.

Well I can’t sit here leaking, writing, and playing with my nipples all day, so off I go.

Chastity swings

Another day of chastity, and like many before and many more to come, I find myself swinging back and forth between both my need to cum and my need not to.

Being submissive sexually you rely on your partner to do what is best, and that takes the decision making out of my hands.  That doesn’t prevent my mind from wanting…and being owned by my wife, loving her, needing to please her, makes knowing my own wants impossible to nail down.

I want to cum, I want to slide inside her and fill her with it, I want it so bad that I’m even looking forward to cleaning her beautiful pussy up after.  I want to feel it jet from my cock, sliding between the folds of her labia as the head rubs back and forth over her clit.  From behind as it throbs between her cheeks erupting all over(I don’t really reach from behind), heck…even stroking it myself over her breasts, belly, or feet.  Just thinking of cumming makes my mouth water for licking it from her sexy body.

I don’t want to cum.  I want to continue this deep feeling of need and desire.  I want to please her in all things.  I want to service her in all ways, I want to kneel before her, licking, sucking and worshiping her feet.  Inhaling her scent and losing myself in her taste.  I want to humble myself before her, want to lick and worship her lovely ass for no other reason than she desires it and is mildly arousing.  I want to feel the warmth of her hand on my erection, throbbing to cum but following what she deems best and not.  I want her to torture me for her amusement, slapping and squeezing my balls knowing that is all the pleasure I will receive.  I want to fuck her with the strapon, and watch her face as I fill her with the size she deserves, her eyes rolling slightly back as her mouth opens in a small moan of ecstasy that I can’t provide with my cock.  Feeling my cage slap against her ass.  Feeling it slap her clit as I’m fucking her from behind, pulling her silky hair back to see her lust filled face.  I want her to decide that me cumming isn’t something that pleases her or that matters, so I won’t be.

So there it is…total confusion over what I even want.  Who doesn’t know what they want?  Luckily I don’t decide.

With this key I thee wed

I have become aware how much her key and what it unlocks means to me.  I don’t know if she has a similar feeling for them, but I feel it to be more like wedding bands than our actual wedding bands.

We went a odd but very cool direction and went with cheap rings.  Neither of us felt the need to spend thousands of dollars only a jeweler could know the difference of.  It’s not really how much we paid, it’s just after wearing my cage, and her wearing my key, my wedding band just feels like a ring.  I like it, but if I lost it, I would just order a new one and it wouldn’t bother me… the key and cage are different though.

Our puppy jumped up on my wife and snagged her necklace, it broke, so she had not been wearing my key.  I don’t know how to explain it, but when I don’t see her wearing it, it makes my heart sink a bit.  I’m not sure if she glances over and feels the same if I’m not wearing my cage (that doesn’t happen often).  My point is that her key is symbolic of more than just her controlling her penis, it’s a symbol of my lifetime commitment to her.  I feel the same looking down at my cage.  It’s not some devilish contraption that keeps me from touching myself, it’s a reminder of her lifetime commitment to us.

I missed seeing it nestled in its rightful place, showing her every day how much I love  and serve her.  I replaced her chain as soon as I could, looking forward to seeing her wedding key back where it belongs.

I was also thinking of taking it to a jeweler to get silver plated.  It looks super cool after I take the dremel to it, shiny steel.  It is old steel though and not stainless.  It dulls within days of working on it, and if I keep it up there won’t be any key left.  I’ve tried clear epoxy over it, polyurethane, and oils but eventually it starts to dull or rust.  I have heard silver solution works too, will try that before seeing the jeweler.

Erotic Dreams

Took a little nap this morning and had the most intense real dream ever.  Sometimes dreams can be vague and hard to remember, this one was very specific, I can remember the dialogue, the feelings, everything.  I woke not really understanding what was real and what wasn’t.  I didn’t know if my life had changed, if what I remembered really happened, and felt about as confused as I can possibly be.  That feeling of uncertainty only lasted for about 30 seconds, but it certainly made my heart race.

I usually dream about my wife, not because other people aren’t pretty, but ever since she has had control over that part of my life, I really only dream of her.  Maybe it’s because she holds the key, maybe I’ve been conditioned to only associate sex with her and her approval, I don’t know, but even in my dreams my world revolves around her.  This one was no different.

It started with us going to bed and getting undressed.  She said not so fast and told me to lay over her lap.  I chuckled and obliged.  She hooked her leg over mine, and grabbed my wrist behind my back.  I was completely immobile, we have never done this and usually if I get spankings, I just bend over.  She grabbed her paddle and softly tapped my butt asking me what I thought the spankings were for.  I really didn’t know and said as much.  She  let loose with a flurry of blows, surprising me and the soft spanks melted into searing swats.  She asked again and again I didn’t know.  The flurry came down again, alternating from cheek to cheek, lasting even longer.  She asked me again and I desperately wanted to say something, anything, I had to come up with a reason, surely I could remember doing something wrong.  All I could think of was “cause I haven’t been very good”, that’s right she said, you haven’t.

She stopped the spankings, but stayed still, her leg still trapping me, her holding my arm behind my back.  She took her time and said: “I’m going to discuss our arrangement, and what you need to do, to improve.  You have been letting everything go around here, the house, service to me, even your grooming.  I don’t know why, if I’ve been too lenient on you, that is going to change until further notice.  From now on I expect you to be at my beck and call, dressed like you should, wearing your collar, and have all of the chores done, every day that is available.  I will give you a list and expect it to be done.  The pampering will resume on those days as well.”

Out of nowhere the paddles started again, hard and vicious, unrelenting, and continued until I actually felt tears on my cheeks.  It felt odd being so turned on by the pain and her firmness.  She stopped and continued her rules “you will kiss my pussy and my ass good night every night, and good morning every morning, you will have the taste and smell of both before starting and ending each day.  When I arrive home from work you will remove my shoes and worship my feet, then massage them with lotion.”

Another small flurry of spanks , but I have started to grow accustomed, I even felt the deliciousness of it starting to feel good.  “I’ve been letting you cum too often, that’s changing.  It will be months apart when I do allow it, and you will be cleaning it up.  I’m not going to ask, it’s your job.”  She used her bare hand now and started spanking me and asking me who eats the cum in our house.  I said, I do.  She asked again and I said it louder that I’m the one that eats the cum, and her spanking subsided and began caressing my very red bottom.

 

She didn’t resume any more spankings, as I was expecting but just sat still, She the said “I will not be reminding  you, I expect you will be fully dressed how you are supposed to, clean how you ar supposed to, worship my pussy, ass, and feet, like you are supposed to, and lick  up your cum like you are supposed to.  If I have to remind you, I will immediately give you a paddling.”

”I miss seeing big cocks, once a week we will go on chat roulette, and we will find a guy with a huge cock.  I will get myself off while I watch a real cock, and you and he can watch.  I miss seeing a hard, hung, masculine man, and just because I love you doesn’t mean I’m going without…do you understand the new rules?” And released me from her clutches.

I put my head on her lap and told her I did, she stroked my head and said goodnight and laid down to go to sleep.  I did the same but remembered to give her pussy a good night kiss, and then her lovely ass a wet sloppy kiss as well.  “That’s better” was all she said after.

I woke from the dream after, I had been rimming my wife the last I knew.  I wasn’t aware if it happened or not.  I was confused and my cage was wet from the dream.  I then figured it out, but not without feeling flushed.

I have had several intense dreams since starting chastity, dreams I could remember, dreams of what turn me on, dreams that make me unsure if I’m glad it was just a dream.  I don’t remember having dreams this detailed and always about one person, at least not before chastity.

Humiliation, why does it turn me on?

8B324898-843E-4A4E-8EFB-22B57FF5B1CD.jpeg4F20E088-16A9-434C-A210-D7F5EE80DA9ASo what is it that makes my cock jump when I hear it? What is it that makes me flush and ache when told to do something that’s unmanly?

I get it that it’s naughty, but it has to be more than that, the depth of my need and reaction to it is far too compelling. I got a nice dose of it the other night, and although I know it turns me on, I know it gets me into a submissive mindset, but I don’t understand why.

She told me how small I am and it felt like I could cut glass with it. She told me how wet she was and how she doubted I could get my little dick to make her cum. I was thrusting as hard and deep as I could and I could tell she was right, her look and breathing were way too controlled for her to be even close, and I was ready to cum within a few seconds and was already fighting to hold back. She told me if I came before her she may never let me cum again, I fought as hard as I could. She kept reminding me, this might be your last time. She then told me I would be cleaning up my cum after, every drop out of her, her little cum eater. I lost it, I came and I came and I lost myself in her.

She wasn’t done, as she stuck to her word and pushed my head down making sure I got it all. I was instantly in subspace again wanting her just as much as a few minutes before when I was crazy with lust. About the only thing missing was talking about needing a bigger cock, taking a lover, made to watch or participate.

I’m not an insecure person, am comfortable with my shortcomings (lol), I’m realistic with them and know even my size isn’t so bad that she can’t have fun and can even orgasm if done a certain way. I don’t consider it worthless, and I know I have other attributes that make me desirable. So it isn’t because I have self worth issues.

After some heavy thinking I think I have narrowed it down to two issues: infidelity and honesty.

Ok, infidelity is fairly easy to explain. Every relationship ending with your partner in someone else’s bed is a concern. It doesn’t explain why it turns me on, but it does explain why it is a recurring theme. Wouldn’t it be nice to make a sexual game out of it, one where I am included and not cheated on?  Maybe just knowing that the elephant in the room isn’t going to make her leave me, maybe knowing that if she felt the need, we would discuss our options before our relationship soured.

The honesty issue I am sure sprang from a past relationship. One of those that was a bit lopsided. I’m decent looking, but she was by far way out of my league. She looked like Cindy Crawford with a rounder face. When she first saw it it was during a makeout session, and when she pulled it out of my pants she stopped kissing and looked down. She had the biggest smile I’ve ever seen , and said ” oh my! That is just adorable” and moved her hand with her one finger around it and said “I think we can work around it though”. She continued to stroke it with her thumb and finger(the ok sign just like I used to do…ahh memories of self pleasure)

It was the first time anyone had been honest about size, and it really started to turn me on. I had partners before that used to howl like I was splitting them in half. Come on! I’m four inches and sometimes a bit smaller if I am not super rock hard, unless I accidentally slip out and shove it in someone’s ass…there will be no howling, super loud screams or making sure I go slow because of how huge I am. Every fake and horrible acting job was watching someone lie to my face. How could I believe anytthey said when not only did they lie, they did it so poorly that they had to have known I knew. If your going to fake an O or a sexual response…make me believe it or don’t even try. I’m fine with either…either I won’t know and don’t know any better, or I can plainly see. Later she got into talking about how small it was, how she thought it was fun to be able to put cock and balls in her mouth, I wasn’t aware of cuckolding or anything like that, but think she was grooming me for it. She had mentioned wanting to see my buddy’s dick(her friend said it was huge), and mentioned a bartender at our bar that she thought was hot but was gay. She even tried to dirty talk about her me and the bartender. She rarely let me have sex in her pussy, but she let me fuck her ass instead while she used a toy on her pussy. We were like that for 5 years. Eventually she cheated on me and ended up marrying a kick box instructor. Now that I look back, and I know what all these things mean and know what she wanted. When she said she was seeing someone I immediately freaked and wanted to leave and she said she didn’t want me to. I asked if she was going to stop seeing him and she said she didn’t want to. I was confused and said ” so, were breaking up?” She said she didn’t want us to. I was like, how the hell are you gonna keep fucking him without breaking up with me?! Well now that I know what it is, what it’s called, etc etc, I know she wanted to cuck me, and be in an open relationship. Luckily I hadn’t really gotten into most of that, or knew about any D/s dynamic. If I had, and she had just asked me, I probably would have agreed, but not talking to me about it first was a dealbreaker.

Anyway, I have found all of it turns me on, my wife drives me wild when I hear her voice, hear her words, she electrifies me.  Lately I have been thinking about devotional tattoos.  I had already wanted one above my pelvis that would leave little doubt of who it belonged to, but was also thinking about getting another more visible one.  One that isn’t quite as obvious about my place and status, but something that does say I’m hers.

looking forward to some more time with her, my work week seems to steal her away from me.  Sometimes I get lost in thought, daydreaming of worshiping her beautiful pussy, sucking on her toes, licking her feet clean, and  devouring her bottom.  Sometimes I even daydream about suffering for her.  Enduring for her pleasure, being put in the humbler, having my balls slapped and squeezed, spanked, paddled, whipped, tied and made to endure, all for her, and it makes me want her even more.

I’m a strange duck, lucky she loves me!

Our future makes me smile

As our married life starts to establish, I look to the future with a smiling face. Is it normal, the things I need, the things she provides, the things she denies…probably not, but we are very happy and I am looking towards the future in a way I never have before.

I am not talking about the kink, I’m talking about how beautiful our relationship is because of it. I know for a fact I would have found a way to close myself off, become distant, or act indifferent if I wouldn’t have told her about who I am and not only participated, but enjoyed who I was and what I needed.

I have a lifetime to enjoy our love and devotion. I can feel us growing closer every day. My trust in her, my appreciation, and her giving nature make seeing her a treat every day. And her knowing what makes it possible for me to be this way, makes me smile because I know it won’t ever go away, but only get stronger.

    I’ve given up being able to touch myself, orgasm, or have an erection without her, for the rest of my life.(I’ve had control of it for awhile and I seem to make the wrong choices)
    I’ve accepted that I may be punished for infractions or just for fun. (I have actually grown to appreciate her correcting me, it saves hurt feelings and ends arguments, and when for fun it takes a very erotic turn)
    Certain things get me into or keep me being a doting attentive partner, I opened up to what they are and she controls my behavior and attitude with them such as:
  • -dirty talk such as small penis humiliation, cuckolding or taking a larger lover, directness, and sternness, sissy or feminine labels, public humiliation or submission.(I am not sure why but when she does this I go insane with need for her)
  • -clean up duty, more importantly being told to clean my cum up. (Another mystery, but her taking control, and not giving me any choice in the matter gets me under her spell immediately.)
  • -Service, routines, rules.(maybe it’s the structure, maybe it’s that whenever I do that service routine or rule, I feel like I’m pleasing her.
  • -Feminization. (This one is more for my comfort level and not submissive, but I will admit I tend to be pretty submissive around her when I’m dressed that way. Being hair free, and wearing those clothes makes me feel normal, although I will also admit I have started to feel a sexual charge when getting ready for and doing maid service.)
  • So I’m not a normal fella, I have given up my sexual being, accepted a life of service, discipline, cum clean up, and enjoys being teased about my penis, have my cock and balls tortured, dress femininely, and worship at her feet. Who cares about normal when I have a lifetime of love and affection from the sweetest most beautiful woman in the world?! Someone that loves me and us so much is priceless.
  • I’ve had normal my whole life, and was miserable, going to try happy for awhile…will start with 40 years and reevaluate.
  • So grateful

    I think sometimes we (men locked by their wives) forget that they aren’t in the same zone we are in. I know I sometimes do. That’s why every act of affection, every acknowledgement of my state of being, every dirty text, pic, meme, or casual touch means so very much.

    Am I a better partner when I am denied erections and orgasms? Probably, but it’s not easy, and it’s always on my mind…always, like I’m thinking of her every second of the day. We sometimes take for granted that they are not thinking about it as much as we are. That is why I am so grateful.

    I usually spend a lot of time searching the Internet for pics and memes that describe what I’m thinking or feeling, So anytime she returns these, or mentions something, lightly touches my cage, or informs me of activities she wants to do, it lets me know she hasn’t forgotten I’m locked up, or how much I need her. So for that I am grateful.

    It boggles the mind how much my brain goes in different directions. I crave so much but don’t even know what I want:

    • I want to cum
    • I don’t want lose this subbiespace I’m in
    • I want out of my cage to get hard
    • I want to stay in to push my limits
    • I want to show the world how devoted I am to her
    • I don’t want to reveal anything that would embarrass her
    • I want her to punish me extremely hard to exert her power over me and push me into complete servitude
    • Getting to that is difficult
    • I want to cum all over her pussy, breasts, feet, asshole, legs and exert her will over me and to dominate me by ordering me to clean it up
    • I don’t want to reset the clock by cumming and it’s not something I can do without her making me even though doing it for her excites me
  • Etc etc etc
  • My world is awash in conflicting desires so I guess it makes sense I don’t get to decide. I’m just glad she listens to and acknowledges my state of mind even when I know hers isn’t preoccupied with it as mine is.