Started a new journey

This is an edited version, I didn’t realize my greeting would be so long.

Condensed version:  I was 42, recently divorced, father, and had a new girlfriend.  I introduced my submissive side to her, and male chastity.

She really ran with it, and it has turned into a female led marriage, along with domestic discipline.  I’m still in chastity, and both our fantasy and kink life has expanded.

This is our story.

More erotic dreams

I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning, was having an erotic dream, I tried to get back to it after my alarm went off but there wasn’t a return.

It was a normal morning, she was at the kitchen table playing on her phone, I was making coffee and packing her lunch.  She proceeded to turn her chair around, bent over it, elbows on the table still playing with her phone, and told me to get licking.  There she knelt in her robe, and I lifted the barrier away. It was so pretty.  Her round bottom framing the top of her bare mound, only half accessible, her sensitive clit out of reach in this position.  I went to dig in, very excited about my meal, but the way she was positioned made getting my tongue in her pussy difficult at best.  It meant that her lovely pussy wasn’t my intended target, I was to worship her bottom.  I did so eagerly, spreading her cheeks further apart so I could delve into her, as well as see where my tongue was flickering over and  circling.

She was getting arroused, I could feel the heat from her sex on my chin, and caught her scent of her readiness.  She asked me to fuck her, I danced on my toes waiting for her to turn around with the key that is around her neck.  Ready to be free of the cage that has kept all of my erections at bay for so long.  She waited for me and said “with your fingers, I don’t need your cock, I wanna cum”.  I slid my first two fingers in, curling them and rubbing her g spot as I moved them in and out of her.  My attention focused on both my hand in her and my mouth on her bottom.  I gave her a third finger which did the trick.  She had an orgasm, clenching around my fingers, and I could feel the contractions around my tongue.  She thanked me and went to shower.

I calmed down, she left for work, and with all that extra energy I decided to get some chores done.  She texted me later and asked what I was doing and I told her.  She wanted to know if the maid was wearing her uniform, I said not really.  She said something like “let me know when she is” or “yes she is” or something like that.  It was fairly clear on the attire I was to wear.  I quickly showered, shaved, and dressed.  Since it was an order, I went full out.  Little black dress, undergarments, heels, the works.  Even put a little bit of makeup on to complete the look.  She asked for pictures during the day, and I sent them when asked.  She told me to be ready to serve her when she got home.  Super excited I was waiting by the door.

This part of the dream is wear it goes away from anything reality based.  For awhile it ceases to even be sexual and is more humiliation oriented.  I had the dog in his kennel, I had the house clean, I was waiting for her, kneeling at the door, and she comes in talking, I assume she was in the phone.  She wasn’t.  Her friend was there with her.  I panicked and tried to run out of there but my mistress quickly said to get back here right now.  I did, I couldn’t even look up.  Her friend squealed in laughter and said I looked even prettier than my pictures.  I couldn’t move I was frozen on my knees in front of them.  Mistress told me to fix them some drinks on the porch.  I ran to get the drinks just happy I was no longer in their gaze.  They continued to chat, I’m sure about me, us, and our arrangement.  She asked me if i was allowed to touch myself and I said no, then asked how she makes sure and I said I was locked, and she asked me to show it.  I did as I was told and exposed my cage that was hidden away.  She then asked if it was small, and I said yes.  She then told me she was done with me and to wait for her in the other room.  I escaped and fled to the sanctuary of the living room.  Trying to listen but their muffled voices left me more curious.  I wanted to know what they were saying.

She came back into the room, her friend had gone, I was a complete mess, I was anxious and wanted an explanation.  Before I could even ask she said she was so proud of me, that I was the perfect husband, and that her friend was very jealous.  She had wanted to know what made us so close and she wanted to share.  My embarrassment quickly turned to pride, and it really didn’t matter seconds later, I seemed to bounce back quickly.

She said it all got her very excited and wanted some cock.  Again I danced around waiting for the key, but when we got to the bedroom she just opened the drawer and took out the dildo.  It’s fairly decent size, but it’s not super big, about 8 inches with a decent girth.  She undressed and began to slide her toy in.  I love watching it disappear inside her, even more, I love watching her when she really starts going to town.  She gets in a very rapid pace and fucks herself silly.  It disappears so rapidly, in and out, the sounds that go with it just as addictive.  She started talking dirty as she got closer.  About how she wanted to fuck a real cock, about me licking her clit while some hung guy fucks her, asking me if I was her little dicked cuck, and I quickly agreed, mesmerized by the show.

When she was done she said i deserved a treat.  She took out the key and unlocked me.  I was super excited but she said “only a ruined tonight, your choice, I do it and you clean up my fingers, or you do it and clean it off of me”. That’s a tough one, but wanted another chance to lick her.  I then started rubbing myself while kneeling between her legs, she watched me intently, all the while pushing my buttons with her words.  Even in my dreams I can’t last long when she talks that way,  soon I’m near the edge and have to stop.  While I’m waiting for the sense of cumming to subside, I see cum surface at tip of my penis and then flow out.  It just bled out, no spurting or orgasm, of course in your dream it always works out, in reality they are not as easy as that and one little bit extra can put you over the threshold.  There it was pooling on her beautiful bare mound.  I was still so horny and desperate I wanted to just finish myself off and fucking cum!  She told me to be a good little cuck and clean her up, and I dove in, knowing this was more than likely the closest I was going to get tonight.  I devoured her and couldn’t get enough.  I wanted to stay there, to fall asleep breathing her in, tasting her with every breathe.

It didn’t go any further, either I woke up because I ran out of dream, or because of my alarm.  Either way, I couldn’t get back and finish, so very much like life lol!  Anyway, it was strong enough to remember the details, which is something, and also marked something new…nonsexual third party appearance.  Although I don’t think it really had anything  to do with anything more than being exposed, vulnerable, and embarrassed.

Dreams are funny, I’m locked even there!

I sure love her and think of her all day.

It goes in spurts

Ha ha, pun intended, but really it seems my sexual drive and frenzy does seem to go in spurts now.  I’m not sure if it’s hormonal, or just long term chastity, but I can be totally off, tired, etc, and then all of a sudden I’m fantasizing about hardcore submissive lifestyles and all that goes with it.  There doesn’t seem to be the constant need and desire, I’m either on or off.

It might be hormonal, for months I’ve noticed I’ve had some physical changes, but maybe they are affecting the ebbs and flow too.  I can’t say I’m upset with the changes.  I lost some weight and have noticed my figure is definitely becoming more feminine.  Plus, did I mention how damn sensitive my nipples are? Holy crap!  Anyway, enough about my hormones and boobs, I intended to write about my crazy headspace…super sub, or off.

No middle ground.  One minute I’m thinking about how good it’s going to be to fall asleep, the next morning I’m sending my wife pics of super sub stuff, almost suggesting ideas.  Just today I sent gifs of some ball slapping and spanking/paddling pictures.  What the hell?  Obviously getting spanked or paddled hurts, as well as smacking or squeezing balls, so why did I send them?  Yes it’s super erotic but still.  I sent pictures of humbler devices, those look like they were built for ball torture and keeping everything open and exposed.  Why on earth would I even throw it out there?  Heck I even bought one awhile ago, I’m my own worst enemy lol!  My fantasies and neediness seem to run rampant during these spurts of desire.

I don’t even really fantasize about sex as much either, I tend to think about lifestyle commitments and routines.  I don’t fantasize about being kept in chastity, I fantasize about being forced in it.  I don’t fantasize about being her maid, I fantasize about being told to do it.  I don’t fantasize about being a cuckold, I do fantasize about her telling me that she will.  I don’t fantasize about routines and rules, I fantasize about her giving them to me.  It’s so weird that every single time I think about sex, cumming, fantasy, and sexual anything, it all revolves around her.  I don’t remember the last time I thought of another person in a sexual way.  She seems to occupy my mind and soul so thoroughly.

The good news about being so sexually sporadic is that by later tonight, I’ll probably just want to snuggle next to her, and press my cage against her bottom before drifting off to sleep.  Ahhh but in the mean time, I am in a tailspin of subbie fantasy,  mixed with both desire and need.  I’m so lucky!

There’s no crying in FLR!

Ok, let’s start off with I think I was a bit moody yesterday, and had too much time on my hands.  Given enough time to think, I tend to assume things, doubt myself, and second guess others.

I said I wasn’t her maid, that she didn’t seem interested, and would return to service when she requested it.  That was about as selfish as I’ve ever been with all this.  I didn’t check, I didn’t ask, I was only thinking about what would be easier and not what is best.  I’ve done this before by ignoring my commitments but never by outright canceling them.

I tend to worry if this is something she wants, is she humoring me?  And more and more I wonder if she thinks I look silly that way.  I don’t mind looking feminine, I don’t mind looking submissive, heck in a perfect world I would look sexy, but I surely don’t want to look silly or gross.  Maybe that’s why it takes so much to dress up and be the maid, but on the other hand, opening yourself up like that is probably why it leads to subbie mode and a well behaved me.

The more time I have on my hands the more I doubt myself, and yesterday I had all day to stew and doubt.  When I reflect on the things she’s said, comments, and other requests, this is all something she would like, so I don’t know why I keep second guessing.   I just don’t want me to be the driving force behind all this. I need her to want a maid, to want me in chastity, to want to discipline and correct me, to want me to be pampering, doting, feminine,  and submissive.  I think back on other relationships and I know that being the old me is what ruined them, and I would do anything to keep the old me away.

So, there’s no crying in baseball…and no crying in a female led relationship.  I will get back to trying my best without the pouting or whining.

Just an update

It’s been 115 days since my last full orgasm and 27 since a ruined one…not that I’m counting😜!  It’s by far the longest I’ve went without a real O, and I find myself thinking of ways to please her quite often now.

That being said, I find I am not quite as submissive as most whom I’ve read about.  They don’t seem to have any problem with going through with their routines, yet I sometimes struggle without being told.  Is there a submissive term for needing to be told? I wonder, I haven’t heard of it if there is one.  My wife is a sweet, intelligent, and self reliant woman.  I think telling me to do things, and stick to routines and orders, is difficult for her. To be honest, isn’t necessary with a true submissive like I’ve read about, yet most of the time, I need to be told.  Even stuff I like, being told helps me enjoy it because I’m pleasing her.  Being me is complicated🤪!

My attitude changes within minutes.  The other day she was on the couch with me, wearing a low cut blouse, my key dangling over her shirt, and her ample chest heaving with every breath.  I wanted to rip that key from it’s chain, unlock, and take her right on the couch.  Two minutes later I was wondering if I could sneak worshiping her feet in before she fell asleep.  I shoveled the driveway instead, but yes I’m all over the place.

Domestic service has pretty much disappeared.   It’s not because I refuse, or because she said to stop, she just didn’t seem into it.  Wearing that stuff, and serving that way,  requires a great deal of trust and acceptance.  Yes it works to get someone in subbie mode and breaks their masculinity down, but it’s almost impossible to do without being told, or it feels like some cross dressing fetish.  I dress in somewhat feminine attire at home, but mostly androgynous.  Leggings and blouse, knee length night shirt, etc, nothing that screams submissive like a dress when I do domestic service.  All she has to do is ask, and her maid is back on duty.   Odd thing is, my curves and chest now fit my dress better than they ever have before.  It’s weird seeing my chest in the mirror.  Still super sensitive, both erotic touch and from bumping them.

That damn dog of ours is cutting into casual play!  I think a lot of times we skip some of the casual play, because we’re worried about him being in the way.  He’s just going to have to get used to us fooling around without him…he’s kinda spoiled.

So we’re still here, we’re not going anywhere!

Dreams and desires

I seem to dream of sex more often and my desires and appetite evolve with time.

The dream was a bit more hardcore than my usual vague dreams of she did this and she did that, it was oddly specific, real, and as though it was actually happening.  It delved into relationship and dynamics of full control. It is the second time I’ve had this dream or similar to it.  Maybe it means something, maybe I’m just horny lol.

It started with her being upset with me, I’m not sure why, but she was in a state of agitation.  She told me that our marriage was going to change, I would be dressed femininely at all times at home, I would greet her by kneeling and kissing her pussy, I would lick suck and worship her feet every night, and would Lick and rim her bottom to say goodnight.  I was to be her live in maid and sex toy, disciplined to tears if something wasn’t satisfactory.

It all seemed so real, it felt like routine, yet in reality I’ve only done it a few times.  I hurriedly applied makeup and put on my outfit before she arrived home from work.  She arrived, took a look at the house and approvingly nodded.  I can’t remember which outfit I was wearing but don’t remember it being revealing or sexy, just a plain dress.  I ran to her as soon as she opened the door, going to my knees I pulled her dress pants down and put my face to her crotch.  I inhaled and planted a kiss on her covered pussyand pulled her pants all the way down.  I had her comfy clothes ready for her and she changed into them.

I seemed to follow her around a bit, I don’t remember what we were doing but I was trying to get her to the couch.  Once there I was eagerly peeling off her socks.  I immediately brought them to my mouth. She relaxed while I gave her feet a thorough licking, I rubbed them, and began to massage her calves and legs.

At bed time she told me of some of the things she noticed wasn’t done, and told me how many paddles I would receive on punishment day.  It was all very casual conversation, she was undressing as was I.  She laid on the bed face down, naked, legs slightly apart.  Like it was routine and habit, I dove right into my job.  I spread her cheeks and licked and tongued her bottom.  I tried to work my way down an inch to taste her pussy, I could already smell her pussy and was getting me drunk with lust.  She corrected my wandering tongue and got me back on track.  When she had enough she flipped over, giving me my orders without words I dove in and tried to get her wetness and scent all over my face.  I tricked and sucked and tried to do a good job.  When I was about to put my fingers in as well she said fingers wouldn’t do it tonight, she wanted to be fucked.  I somehow knew that didn’t mean she wanted me inside her, it meant I needed to put on my dick.

I stepped into my harness, pulled it up, the 8 inch rigid cock stood straight out.  It bent slightly down from its own weight, I imagine that is what happens to people with big cocks, mine have always stood straight up in a sharp angle.  It was sitting in its cage underneath the 8 incher now.  As soon as I put on the harness, my feminine side washes away and I become more masculine and rough.

I flip her over, pull her hips up, and look at her beautiful bottom and pussy, glistening with moisture, no need for lube.  I slide in her, slowly at first but soon I gain speed, and match her motions.  I get rougher, one hand on her hip, the other has her hair, I can see her moaning face as she bucks back on me with every thrust.  I keep up with her pace, increasing in speed as she does, not needing to slow down or cum, a machine.  She has her orgasm, my cage hitting her pussy the whole time I was fucking her, it’s now covered in her juices.

I slipped out of her, took off my harness, and she assumed the position I was familiar with, face down with legs apart.  I began rimming her bottom again, while she settled down from her orgasm.  She rolled over when she had enough.  She mentioned that since it had been a few months she would let me inside. She unlocked me and and I quickly went on top of her and slid my cock in her hot and well fucked pussy.  After having the other cock in her it swallowed me whole, I could tell she could barely feel me, and said so.  I hurriedly pump all of me in her, trying to reach the depths of her, knowing i can’t but loving the effort.  She feels so good, so magical, and I needed to cum so desperately.  She let me and I came hard.  My stomach and toes cramped, it was Devine and heavenly.  I tried to sneak away for a kiss, but she remembered, and forced my head back down and told me to clean up my mess.  I was then told to lock back up before bed.

Like I said, I had this dream before, or at least very similar, maybe I’ll go back on this blog and look, I’m sure I would have written it down if I had.  Funny thing, I don’t know how much this kind of life would actually trouble me.  I have come to a point that the structure and routines sound appealing, and it would be liberating and humbling being her maid and toy.  I also know that becoming a routine requires discipline and sacrifice.  Putting her every whim and desire ahead of my own, throwing every ounce of humility away openly would be a whole other level besides what we already have as friends and lovers.  It is an act of total surrender and love and not to be set into motion unless we understood we would be entering a realm of closeness that most aren’t ready for.

It was a real vivid dream and I’m still reeling from it hours later.  I seem to slip in and out of subbiness, sometimes it’s a passing fancy, at other times, it feels like even when dreaming, I have an overwhelming urge to submit, to please, to become more feminine, and to be owned and disciplined.  My mind is an abyss of confusion and desire.

Needy and uncaged

Recently had a 87 day stint without an O, when it ended in late December I tried to pull out to hold off on my O but just ended up ruining it.  It wasn’t even a proper ruined O, and I ended up losing my erection and fun was over.  I was greatly disappointed, after such a long drought,    it seemed to be a waste when I didn’t get to have a full out orgasm or get to save it and continue my frustration.

I locked back up and remained so until last night.  She let me out, went down on me(was like heaven seeing and feeling her soft mouth on me), and even rode me.  She gave me some soft taunting about my size, which always seems to get me going, and after a couple minutes, decided it was over and would continue in the bedroom.  She was tired by the time we went to bed so no funny business.

This morning I tried to manipulate myself inside her again, but she wasn’t interested in me poking around her so I got out the doxy wand.  Handing it to her, I caressed her inner thighs while she quickly came.  Still uncaged from last night I tried rubbing my little one on her, hoping she would deviate from her own needs and give in to mine.  Chastity and giving someone else control is such an odd experience.  I absolutely only want to be allowed sexual pleasure when she wants it, yet that doesn’t mean I don’t want to try lol!  Although I do love the absolute power she has over me, that doesn’t mean I didn’t think about running to the bathroom and getting myself off while I still have the freedom to do so.

My thoughts have been incredibly dirty, and all about pleasing her in all sorts of submissive ways.  Sitting here on the couch I have been day dreaming of rubbing and caressing her feet.  Licking and sucking on them, inhaling the scent and losing myself in her authority over me.  Dreaming of licking her all over, burying my tongue in her bottom, slowly licking every inch of it.  Knowing she is only receiving a mild erotic sensation, but laying there accepting my attention and letting me know when she feels I am allowed to stop.

I have this urge to please her, to do anything, to lower myself to the most extreme, to show and prove how much I am willing to commit to her every whim.  To be told exactly what to do, and to prove my worth by eagerly accepting her will.

My sexual feelings have seemed to transfer to other areas rather quickly.  I have been very sexually excited when my nipples are touched, during my long lock up I swear I was almost at the point where I could almost orgasm from rubbing them.

Oh my, all this reminiscing and thoughts of her using me for any and everything has gotten me fit to be tied…literally lol!  As much as I enjoy the freedom, not sure how long I can keep these thoughts and remain uncaged.  My mind races with thoughts of her guiding me, selfishly absorbing all her whims and even the most devious of desires, knowing I will eagerly obey to please her.  All choice is gone, I am a slave to her desires, I can refuse her nothing.  The power exchange is knee buckling when I stop to think about it.  There is absolutely nothing I wouldn’t do for her, and knowing I couldn’t refuse makes it even more erotic.

I better stop my mind from wandering too much on her, or I’ll take a stroll to the bathroom, and take care of business myself…which would be fairly naughty!

Feel like a heel

It was pointed out by my lovely, beautiful, giving, and understanding wife, that for having a maid, she sure was doing a lot around the house.  She also mentioned it seems to be just wearing cute outfits.  Awe, feel like a heel now.

Ok, in my defense I hadn’t really been in uniform doing it lately.  My “outfits” are pretty much just my comfy clothes I wear at home, but I get her point.  I haven’t been fulfilling my end of an agreement.  I told her I would be her maid, clean the home, pamper her, and in general make her life a dream for at least that day.  I’ve been pretty casual, wearing casual clothing, doing chores that pertain mostly to me, and not much on pampering….half assed is what I’d call it if the shoe was on the other foot.

Sometimes I take her for granted, I don’t mean to, and she deserves so much more.  She has asked for so very little, considering all the kinks, toys, devices, and misc gender issues I have brought to the table.  I am a complete heel if I cannot give her the one thing she did ask for, one day of maid and pampering service a week.  I will strive to be better, she shouldn’t have to point it out to me.  I have given her so much responsibility when we started chastity, and her role has only gotten larger.  So shame on me for not pulling my weight. 

Speaking of chastity, I’ve hit a new record of 71 days, although she feels I had an opportunity but failed to take advantage of her generosity lol.  True, but when drinking heavy, chastity or no chastity, I just can’t finish.

So tomorrow I have a big day planned, full maid service and an evening of pampering.