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Started a new journey

This is an edited version, I didn’t realize my greeting would be so long.

Condensed version:  I was 42, recently divorced, father, and had a new girlfriend.  I introduced my submissive side to her, and male chastity.

She really ran with it, and it has turned into a female led marriage, along with domestic discipline.  I’m still in chastity, and both our fantasy and kink life has expanded.

This is our story.

Looking forward

Hello and thanks to all you chastity and FLR lovers out there for all the interest!

My last post was about looking back at where I was and this one is about appreciating the future. My trainee at work is going through a tough time and soon to be divorced. Listening to his tale of woe, problems he experienced, and feelings he has, has made me greatly appreciate my current relationship.

He wasn’t friends with his wife. I married my best friend. They had nothing in common. We both share the same interests in sports. They never talked. We can talk about politics, religion, literature, or even about gossip. They never did anything together. We almost always spend our time together, and if not the other is told about it. They hid things from each other. We don’t have one reason to ever hide anything from the other, sexually or otherwise.

So all in all i look at where I am and feel pretty lucky. Which leaves me looking forward.

Ok so we are not a typical couple, and sexually I’m a bit of a deviant. She seems to like all this so maybe she’s a bit of a horn dog too. Here is a rundown of some of our truths for the future:

1. I will never be out of my cage without her permission again.

2. She will correct my behavior and settle any disputes with physical discipline. We will never feel like we are distancing apart or resentful, because this will end it.

3. Although I want to cum all the time, I don’t need to cum. She makes those decisions better than I do.

4. Forced routines are something that I need. It gives me a way to show devotion. The more the routine is something that a person normally wouldn’t do, the more I want her to tell me to do it. Pleasing her and doing those things makes me feel loved. Being told to clean up my orgasms, being told to be her maid for the day, what toys to use, or even being told I’m going to be restrained or have pain inflicted on me, instructed to rub or lick her feet, it all feels like acts of love to me. Yes locking me in a humbler and swatting and squeezing my balls would feel like love…I never said I was normal lol!

5. Wearing clothes that I feel comfortable in, is part of who I am. I can’t imagine ever returning to wearing strictly boy clothes.

6. We will continue to be honest. I think honesty is something I’ve never been able to do and will continue to be the focal point of our relationship. Honest about who we are, what we like, what we don’t, everything. I love and get turned on when she discusses me being small, or feminine, or chaste etc. It does the opposite of hurt my feelings. It means she’s not hiding anything, she still loves me, and whatever happens we go through it together. I never have to worry about infidelity.

7. I’m hers

Looking ahead to the years to come I am happy and excited that I truly have a partner, a friend, a lover, and my mistress to lead me.

I sure do adore you Mistress Amante

Looking back

I was checking in on my blog here and looking at the stats(yes I look lol), and realized it’s been over three years since we began this journey.

The journey I’m speaking of is not just the relationship I have with my now wife. It’s the kind of relationship we have. A few months after we started dating I made a choice. I could continue dating her without discussing my need for her dominance. Ignoring my need to express my femininity. I could have faked who I was, buried my emotions and eventually sink into a depressive state. The other option was to open myself to rejection, and hope that my partner would like who the real me was.

I had already tried hiding and what I had to show for it was countless relationships ending with heartbreak and a failed marriage. Continuing on this path is near the definition of insanity. So I took a leap of faith and hoped for the best.

Three years later, I am married to my wonderful mistress. Besides a few days of healing from abrasions, healing my piercing, and a few days of her not asking me to lock back up, I’ve lived my new life locked in my device with her in control of it. Some of our routines have changed, but the core of our dynamic has evolved into a female led relationship.

I need to please my partner. Sexually, emotionally, and submissively. I need correction, and feedback. I need tests to prove my commitment and worth, enduring pain or activities that humble me.

Testing my limits and doing things I’m uncomfortable with has been an eye opening experience. For example, her telling me to clean her after my orgasm isn’t something I am comfortable with. Doing it has however been a great pleasure, knowing I am making her happy, knowing that I am proving I am truly hers and she is actively ensuring that I always will be, makes it a treat and an enormous heartwarming act of love.

Which also reminds me of punishment. I haven’t been punished for a long while now(I must be so well behaved I don’t need any lol!), but a few times she’s used punishment as a tool for problem solving, I had completely melted in love and adoration. It really showed how much I meant to her, it showed I was worth fighting for, and that she would not let me mess this up. I felt sooo loved after.

So here we are three years later, she’s accepted my submissive nature, my femininity both mentally and my slowly developing physical changes, and has been my lovely leader. Yes we still argue from time to time, but I know deep down that it will never get too far because whenever she wants she can end it all with stern commands and a paddle.

Overall I am very grateful to her for loving me so much that she does all this. Her overly honest dirty talk while we have sex never ceases to make me feel like we are going to really make it. That kind of chat lets me know that she sees my shortcomings, but will always stay with me and I’ll be hers forever. We’ve discussed cucking and her taking a lover while I watch or help her receive pleasure, but we are both on the same page that her heart will always be on me and never become emotional with another. That kind of security means so much. Her receiving pure pleasure or exploring fantasy actually feeds into my need to please, as long as I know I will be the only one she gives her heart to.

I started this blog three years ago, not knowing if anyone would ever read it besides her. I wanted a place to vent my feelings and emotions while transitioning from a “normal” relationship, to one of a submissive living in a cock cage with someone else holding the key. I knew I didn’t want to bug her every day with my frustrations, and to be honest I am very proud of what we are and what we do. I saw a few other blogs but most were about long time married couples starting a new chapter, and not a relationship formed and seeded in it. I still get shocked when I see the thousands of views that have peeked in and had a look at our story.

We are always evolving, hard limits have pretty much disappeared, I’m hers, and she could tell me to do anything she wants. We have let up on some things (punishment, routines, etc) but at our core this is who we are as a couple and will be for the rest of my life.

Thanks all those that read and have shown an interest in our journey.

Just a Little taste

So I was cleaning up our “play drawers”, I had left out a dildo that the dog decided was a great chew toy, and I must have had something silicone touching rubber and that melted all over. Our toys were in shambles, so I took an hour to clean and organize everything, and put away the new replacement dildo.

During, I found some little used to forgotten about stuff. One was my collar. I knew it was in there but I haven’t worn it in forever, another was the humbler. That one is one I had forgotten about. Was excited about it when I got it, and even tried it on once. She mentioned that “it doesn’t lock, you could just take it off” so I did a bit of drilling, and attached two heavy padlocks, but we never did use it.

Well, she was out of the house and I thought let’s see if I can put this thing on while I’m caged. And to my surprise I could. Just like that my imagination fired off a million scenarios. I sent her a picture of me wearing it, she texted back “we will have to try it while your serving me and rubbing my feet”. With this tidbit, my mind raced with possibilities.

Will she use the locks and keep me on my knees for her all day when she’s not home, will she tell me to do tasks to please her, will she slap, beat, or squeeze them while they are so exposed? How will I be serving her? Licking her pussy, ass, feet? Will I be in maid mode, will I have my collar on? So much fantasy and possibilities running rampant, all from one little text of her saying she might have me wear or do something.

Later that evening after work and a very nice meal she made for us we were laying on the couch with her feet near me as usual. My imagination running rampant, and not being out of my cage for a bit, I looked at her exposed feet with a hunger. I had to smell them, taste them, rub and please them. I followed my desire and quickly had them to my lips. Licking and tasting every inch of them. Inhaling her scent and breathing her in. Wet from my oral attention I rubbed them and kneaded my fingers into the flesh of her feet. I sucked on her toes as if they were her sex. I was lost in her and only paused long enough to start on the other.

After worshipping, I got out the lotion and gave here a massage and leg rub, which she seemed to enjoy even more. Fully rubbed in, I was left soaked. I could feel the precum drip down my leg as I adjusted to sit. The moments after were me shifting gears. Settling into that space between heavy breathing, needing to cum, be touched, and slower breathing, accepting that I will not be cumming or touched. Riding out subspace until my full gallop winds down to a trot.

So that was wonderful and full of inner fantasy and possibility of things that may or may not come to pass. Will she ever tell me to wear that thing? Will she ever lock it on me? Will it be a requirement or routine? Will she use it to slap or squeeze my balls? Will she keep me collared? Will she make that a routine? Oh my what mixture of excitement, fear, and anticipation that arises with just a simple comment from my beautiful wife and mistress.

I’ll have what she’s having

My mind is apparently a sponge, it picks things up and hangs on them them.  I don’t even know if real life would be as fulfilling as what my mind conjures up, but it latches on to something and it makes its way to my dreams.

Last week we had some intimate time, and she gave me some verbal instructions for what was to come the following day and some dirty talk for that evening.  She was a bit tipsy, so not really sure if she remembers what she said, and the next day none of it was brought up so it could have all been dirty talk.  The forcefulness of it and the matter of factness of it permeated my dreams and it happened just as she said.  I haven’t had too many vivid dreams lately, but this one was.

That night she told me that I was going to lock right back up right after our playing was over, was to wear my uniform and look pretty for her, wear my collar, pamper her with massages bath and oral, and was to be punished harshly later for the backtalk earlier that week.  My dream was an exact rendition of that.  I wore my black bra that shows off my cleavage, black undies, and my black cotton dress.  My black leather collar and leash were on, my makeup was perfect, and was wearing my white and black open toed flats.

She was just wearing a robe sitting on the couch.  She told me what to do: sweep, dishes, dusting(lol neither one of us ever dust), scrub the bathroom etc.  All the while ordering me to periodically worship her pussy or bottom till she thought of another task, using my leash to pull me in as needed.

The house clean and her wet from all my attention, she instructed me to worship her feet before giving them a lotion rub.  She   Instructed to set up the table to give her a full body massage.  It was a long sensual massage, she was glistening with oil as my fingers and hands roamed.  Soon she wanted more than fingers and I fetched her toys.  I held the powerful wand on her clit while I she furiously worked the large silicone cock in and out of her.  She came hard and talked dirty, and was soon ready for a bath.

I had it ready and washed her and her hair, and left her to shave and dry off, and when she walked out she was ready to punish me for my bad behavior that week.  She told me to get on the bed and get my ass to in the air.  She used a thick leather strap with a wooden handle.  She got me past the initial shock and warmed me into it before accelerating.  After my bottom was bright red and was searing with heat she sat down on the bed and told me to bend over her knee.  When I did so she hooked her leg over mine, grabbed my wrist with her left hand behind my back, and picked up a wooden  paddle with her right.  She started spanking, very quick alternating cheeks, increasing how hard the more she continued.  Soon she was really really hitting hard and without stopping. I was giving myself over to her and it lasted until the tears fell.  I don’t not remember them being sad or even pain tears, but vulnerable and open tears.  She praised me and comforted me before we both went to bed.

She then said that if I was really good, next week we could skip the punishment paddles and just get my maintenance spankings.  I felt overjoyed and had this need to please her.  We both went to bed happy.

There were all sorts of dirty talk in between all the events, I can’t remember exactly what was said but feel it was the same as what she usually says in real life, small penis stuff, cuckold stuff, clean up and male male female situations.

All in all I woke up with a very tight cage, some leaking, and the old familiar question of whether it really happened or not.

I sure love her, I never really know what’s in store.  It could be all fantasy talk, it could be something she intends on trying, and it could be something she wants to make part of our lifestyle.  I am just glad that what ever she does will be something that brings her happiness, and me a feeling of contentment.

Felt good

 

My return to service on Monday felt good.  I wrapped it up early because she wanted to go to town and do some door shopping, but I got the house looking nice.

There was a funny little misunderstanding about my caging back up this week.  Well about 6 nights ago she was a little tipsy and wanted me out of my cage and into her.  She handed me the key, I took the cage off as usual, and went to put the key and cage on the night stand  when she stopped me and said “what are you doing? I want my key back!” This was new but ok, I put it on her necklace, and we fooled around.  Sex was hot and ended with me getting to cum and being told to get down there and clean it up.  Being requested to do stuff like this gets me so into her and into being hers again that I’m actually starting to love performing tasks like this for her.   Sleep followed, and I know she saw me naked and poked her with my cock a few times, but apparently when she saw she was wearing the key she assumed I had locked up.  She mentioned something yesterday, and I said I was already unlocked and that seemed to confuse her.  So I explained that I can’t lock back up without the key and she had the key.  Well she said that wasn’t going to fly and to lock back up.  So freedom was short lived, was hoping for another round inside her before putting the steel on again.  To be honest however, if it’s not being used, it’s easier on me to lock it up.

Diet…has not been as smooth as I had hoped for, and summer is right around the corner.  I had hoped I would have lost 30 more pounds by now but I’m stuck at 205 and have slipped on the carbs a few times which starts everything over.  Will keep at it but I’m afraid this summer isn’t going to be a very attractive bikini season lol!

Speaking of bikini season, something is going to have to change in my normal every day clothes.  I’m not going to wear a bra, they are uncomfortable and accentuate everything. I am going to have to wear something though or people will notice I have boobs.  When I lost weight in my tummy it really makes the girls look like they’re sticking out.  Not to mention my nips are like always hard. So, I found some plain sport bras that you can’t see when wearing a shirt, and they keep everything pressed in.  I got a few but need to get some bigger cause it kinda digs in around my chest.  But it’s at least plain, simple, and can’t see it under clothes.

Another big change is I need glasses.  Ugh, I guess I’m getting old.  Seems my eye muscles just don’t like to work out like they used to, and focusing is too much work.  Nervous about how I’ll look like with glasses.

Monday is coming soon, and with it another day of service to my beautiful wife and key holder.  At some point I sure would like to get in a massage , bath, and she is well over due for me to use the strap on with Johnson on her.  Sometimes I think I enjoy it as much as her. It’s kinda fun looking down and seeing the eight inch cock sticking out above my cage.  Hearing her, seeing her, and feeling her react to getting fucked by a well endowed cock is the real treat though.  So service has returned and it felt good to make her happy.  I haven’t really concentrated on what I wear while doing it, I suppose if she wanted the full feminine attire it would certainly be more sensual and intimate, but isn’t something she’s formally requesting so I’ve been just going “as is”.  Life is good, and we are so in love it’s scary.

It’s time for me to choose

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Well dear readers, years have gone by now, and I seem to keep reverting to my old ways.  I have put it out there about living a FLR, she has excepted, yet when it comes down to doing the little things I seem to brush them off.

She’s hinted that the maid must off quite a few times.  I have reassured her that I will be back on the job, but I shouldn’t keep abandoning it.  She shouldn’t have to keep me in line or ask for things I’ve already agreed to.  It’s time to either put on my big girl panties or just take em off.  I really did enjoy being her maid, enjoyed having a super clean house, enjoyed pampering her, and really enjoyed hearing that me doing that was one of her most wonderful experiences.  I love making her happy, why the heck have I been sitting on the couch binge watching criminal minds?!

For awhile there I was embarrassed about my figure.  Slipping into something pretty when you’re a skinny minnie is one thing,  when you’re fat it’s harder to feel anything but ugly.  I lost some weight, and still have some to go, but won’t feel quite so yucky now.  Speaking of my figure, after having  lost 30 pounds, felt myself up a million times, now realize my boobs are here to stay.  Don’t get me wrong, these things are awesome, they are fun to play with, feel great, and it’s like a direct current to my cock(which is usually locked up so I do have something to play with).  There are draw backs to these things that they must just take for granted cause I’ve never really heard them complain about it.

1. Wearing a loose shirt allows nipples to rub and it drives you crazy. Part feels good part burns but it’s not something you can ignore.

2. Probably the hardest part I’ve noticed is sleeping. I used to sleep on my stomach but now it feels like I’m laying on tennis balls if I do. I’ve tried wedging pillows here and there but sleeping on my side is really the only way now.

3. Bouncing hurts!  Going down stairs especially makes them go up and down, and when they are on the downward bounce they hurt when they stop.  It’s not a pain like the nipples, it’s an ache in my chest like getting punched.

4. These things are in the way!  I reach across and my arm stops before it used to.  I reach up and they take a lot of shirt with them. I bend over and they hit the ledge or fence.  I try to sneak into a tight squeeze and they rub.

How come girls don’t complain about these more?! They feel great to play with but they come at a cost lol!  All joking aside about the downside of breasts, I’ve never felt so comfortable in my skin in my life.  I look down and it feels like this is what I was supposed to have.  Hard to explain.  I’ve been told I was attractive most of my life, but when I looked at myself I saw an ugly, hairy, mess with bumps in all the wrong places.  I couldn’t stand to look at myself, soo gross.  Now I don’t keep any hair and most of my lumps are where i always felt they should be.  I’ve never felt weird about my penis though, maybe cause it’s not very big, I put some undies on and it pretty much disappears. Plus I grew up playing with it a lot so I’ve never had any issues having it there.  Body issues are odd for me.  I don’t know what is biology and being born this way, and what is mental because I’m sexually submissive.  I suppose if I had a guess I would say biological.  Since I’ve always felt this way about my body, and didn’t even know about sexual submissiveness until later.  I think I’m rambling now lol

So to make this female led thing work, I have to let her lead.  I can’t expect her to babysit me or be a warden.  This is for my benefit too, I’m not a great partner without this and I want us to be a forever thing.  Yes I want her to correct me and lead, but she shouldn’t have to fight or correct me on everything.  So I will show some initiative, do what I’m supposed to do, and if I need correction or she wants something, she can feel freer to punish or give orders as needed.

ps designed a tattoo and looking forward to getting it, the pic is it.

Thinking of her, idle thoughts

Hello readers, just an update on my not so typical life.  Short version…we’re doing great.

Ten days ago she uncaged me, we fooled around and long story short, the only way I could finish was her letting me do it.  That was new, one she rarely lets me touch it, two, usually I don’t take very long without drinking being involved. She quickly wiped it up with her fingers and asserted our roles by having me lick them clean.  This always gets me into subbie mode immediately, and I went to sleep uncaged.

Went uncaged for 10 days, and although she hinted at me putting it back on, I didn’t.  It wasn’t until she formally told me to put it on did I comply.  Sometimes I think I need that.  Knowing I’m locking for her instead of me.

I’m complicated.  I am naturally very assertive, and very much a provider and protector, yet emotionally and sexually I need the opposite.  It must be very confusing for her to order me to do things, demand things, or discipline me, when the outside me is so very different.  Inside there is a pliant, feminine, servant that needs direction and discipline.  It is at odds with what I show the rest of the world.  I am self aware though, I know that my turn ons and needs aren’t typical.

Sometimes I lose myself in thoughts of her.  Reminiscing of pillow talk about my lack of endowment, cuckolding me, and other miscellaneous comments.  Just the other day on another site I responded to a thread about FLR, and described a time when she disciplined me to get me “right” and ended our disagreement.  It was just what I needed at the time and feel lucky that she took charge.  Just responding to the thread and remembering the incident caused excitement and a stir below.

Right now writing this, it makes me crave her more and more.  Funny how I can just think of her, our life, and the things she’s said or done and I seem to melt into subbie bliss.